Funniest Thing I've Seen in Months

Shocking.

Is this "Kate Minus One" or "Jon Minus Nine?"

Wednesday Addams

I have figured out the perfect way to combat these afflictions:  don't run.

It's National Running Day and I wish I could properly celebrate it.

This time every year, for the last decade or so, I have tried to do something to kick-start the running career again.  And as each year ticks on the odometer, it becomes harder and harder.  I wish I could run again.  Anyone want to loan me a healthy right leg?

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This makes TOO much sense.

Watch the Barclay's Premier League.  The WNBA is not exactly printing its own money.  So kudos to the Mercury for tapping into the previously untapped revenue streams.  

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Rodney Harrison retired today.

Admittedly, I was a huge Rodney Harrison fan.  I loved the way he played the game.  I loved him in the defensive backfield for two of the Patriots' Super Bowl victories and look forward to his broadcasting career.

But.

Let us not overlook the fact he used performance-enhancing drugs as a professional athlete.  He cheated.

His hard-hitting ways earned him respect and accolades from fans in San Diego and New England.  The wideouts who took the flying hits from #37 respectfully disagreed.

Year after year, Harrison was voted as a dirty player - if not the dirtiest - by his NFL peers. 

By his actions of using HgH, everyone should look at him as dirty.

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I'd mess this up.

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That is all.  When's Wednesday over?

TLBR's 2 cents on David Ortiz

(since I'm seemingly the only Red Sox fan/blogger/Red Sox fan with a blog that hasn't chimed in on L'Affaire du Papi, here goes...enjoy)

Here's my two cents on the David Ortiz-not-hitting-his-weight-when-he-played-for-the-Wisconsin Timber Rattlers.

The Red Sox are screwed.

Maybe Ortiz rights the ship, gets himself to a point where he's hitting .250, with 20+ homers and knocking on the door of 100 RBI, and all would be well.  With him hitting a buck-eighty-nine, the Sox are still a half-game out of first in the AL East (basically because the Yanks have played a AAA schedule for the last month).  But that's baseball's fool's gold.

If not - if he has truly hit the wall - then the Sox have no recourse but to ride it out or take a huge financial hit.

As it is, Ortiz plays no position in the field.  And when he was the runner-up for the 2006 Most Valuable Player award, we all heard that argument when A-Rod wrongly won the trophy.  (funny, when I type in "10" into position into my baseball stat program, it accepts it...moving right along...)

But without him using his first baseman's mitt but 7-8 times a year during the regular season - and hopefully 4-7 times during the World Series - when it's gametime, he hits and sits.

So if Ortiz were to be platooned at DH, it would greatly diminish the Sox' depth - which (the depth), I think, is somewhat of a fallacy.  Perhaps the return of Mark Kotsay helps that, but not a whole heck of a lot.  The Sox have a pretty weak bench.

But go back to the Ortiz-off-the-bench argument as a pinch hitter.  In reality, there are two positions that would potentially PH for:  shortstop and catcher.  And it's most likely just SS.

You're not pinch hitting Ortiz for Youkilis (1B/3B), Pedroia (2B), Lowell (3B), Bay (LF), Ellsbury (CF), or Drew (RF).  Francona has shown he'll PH for Drew, but with a righty (Baldelli at this point).

So if Ortiz PH's for Green or Lugo (or Jed Lowrie), then it's a three-person move:  the player who comes out, the Ortiz at-bat, then the player who has to play SS next inning.  If it's a game-winning inning, then all is bread and roses.  But most likely not.

Ortiz is (most likely) not going to PH for Kottaras, because Varitek is going to take his spot in the field.  And vice versa.

Potentially...and I mean potentially in that rare sort of instance where you need a long ball...Ortiz could PH for Ellsbury.  But both are left-handed hitters, so there would not be a huge benefit in terms of a pitching matchup.  And if Ortiz were to get on base, you have a very slow runner whereas Ellsbury getting on via a walk or a single has great potential to become a double.

A trade is very unlikely.  What team is going to help Boston rid themselves of an $11-million dollar designated hitter that is closer to being designated (for assignment) than he is a hitter?  What would it take to get - as the rumors say - Cleveland's Victor Martinez?  At minimum, it would take Clay Buchholz, Manny Delcarmen, and then someone else.  Aubrey Huff?  No, thanks.  Wily Mo Pena?  I just giggled a bit.  Although the Pats could use him at tight end.

Unlike the CF situation in 2007 and 2008, the Red Sox do not have a looming  

replacement in the minors.  There are no power hitters in the organization.  There are very few available for trades.  And there are even fewer in free agency.  Matt Holliday (FA in 2009) comes to mind.  Google his stats right now.  

Additionally, the last few power hitters that did hit free agency were:  Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira, and Manny Ramirez.  Google who their agent is.

The best the Sox can hope for is a reasonable facsimile of the early 2008 David Ortiz, with the numbers I listed at the top of the post.  Methinks the 2004-2007 Big Papi is all gone-no more, save for the museum exhibits at Fenway and in Cooperstown.

The Sox have no home run hitters on their roster.  They have guys that can hit home runs - Bay, Youkilis, Lowell, even Varitek so far - but none could be classified as "home run hitters."  That title used to belong to Big Papi.

Any future titles are incumbent on Ortiz morphing into Stella and getting his groove back. 

Cleveland YEAH!

I've gotten these links sent to me numerous times and - in checking the YouTube hits - 1.5 million people have viewed them and hopefully laughed as hard as I did.

So without further ado, here are the two (hastily made) Cleveland Tourism videos.

(for the record, TLBR has been to Cleveland twice, voluntarily, and has enjoyed both trips.)

Just Some Monday Musings

It'll be great when it stops shampooing raining.  It's cold and rainy and I'm sick of it.  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?  Perhaps I'm suffering.

Ok, onto some stuff that's been boiling over:

*  One of my favorite jokes from the movie Good Morning Vietnam was "What's the difference between the Boy Scouts and the Army?  The Boy Scouts don't have heavy artillery."

Well, apparently now they do.

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*  This might be the greatest headline ever:  "Citi Field Mets streaker emerges clothed, unapologetic after night in jail."

And the story?  Even better.  

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*  Here's rooting for one of TLBR's favorite TL's - Dontrelle Willis.  When he was pitching well, the D-Train was fun to watch.  And off the field, in my brief stint as SportsTicker baseball reporter, he was engaging and a terrific interview.  Hope he gets his form back.

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*  Great line from NBC Nightly News' Brian Williams, regarding his off-the-camera life as a fan of all music blogger:  

"I have a wife and two children and a house and a two-car garage and a dog. No one should fear me becoming a tragic hipster. I may be a hipster, but never tragic. I'm not going to bars in Brooklyn and drinking PBRs."  

The entire interview can be read here.  And for the record, there's nothing tragic about drinking PBR.  It's not only economical, but it's damned good beer.

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*  I'm wondering when the decision was made that we care about the vice president?  I suppose it's relevant, considering the hate-monger (best case), borderline Satanic (worst case) that we just had for the last eight years essentially ran the country.

And it was probably relevant this past election, when the old, bitter dude had the young, dumb chick as his running mate...one heartbeat away from the Oval Office, you betcha.

But even now that Change has come to America, can we get a big "Yes, We Can" to the STFUVP movement?

Joe Biden should never talk.  Ever.  Unless someone else writes his remarks for him.

I tend to be liberal with my social conscience, conservative with my fiscal and judicial responsibilites.  I think we can have civil dialogue with our enemies, while also dispensing the proper amount of justice in the proper setting.

I'd rather not torture terror suspects.  But if they don't get three hots and a cot, and are mildly uncomfortable, I'm fine with that.  If the floors of the prisons are slippery and, whoops, they fall down (repeatedly, over and over, until something gives...), then I'm fine with it.

Just don't tell me.  Don't make it public.  Just make it happen.  Go to a used book store and buy a copy of "The Prince."  In some cases, the ends do justify the means.

Back to Biden - we do not need to know where the VP's secret bunker is.  We do not need to know where the shadow cabinet and Congress get shipped to in case of global calamity.

National secrets should remain as such.  Our national leaders should have enough intelligence and foresight to know that.

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That is all.  Time to go back to being miserable.

Lunchtime videos

Something to do while eating lunch...enjoy: