My one question regarding the LeBRO-ESP-N show tonight: will he inscribe a Lindsay Lohan-esque message on his middle finger nail to the cities and teams he has left in his egomaniacal wake?
Jon Wertheim of Sports Illustrated made a funny on Twitter: No matter what happens tonight, here's the biggest revelation: Greenwich has a Boys Club.
The legions of latchkey kids in Greenwich...all those sad-eyed youngsters who suffered through non-thoroughbred Polo ponies, Swedish automobiles, and a future filled with slumming it with Johhnie Walker Gold.
Since I'm feeding into the ESPN-fueled cosmic worm hole that is LeBronamania, let's actually talk basketball nuts and bolts.
The best team for LeBron to go to, in TLBR's opinion: the Bulls.
LeBron, as proven by the Championship of Me through the NBA free agency season, is all about himself. Can't see that playing well in Miami with two other NBA upper crustacians like D-Wade and Chris Bosh.
Can you imagine Erik Spoelstra with his dry-erase board, tie ballgame, 4th quarter, in Boston for game 7 of the Eastern Conference finals? Who gets the ball? Which of the other two pouts about it? Too many egos, just one ball. (besides, if you think Pat Riley is leaving that team to his former driver...so add another ego to the stew).
The Clippers are my 1B choice. LeBron in L.A. - huge. The Clippers lineup with Baron Davis, Eric Gordon, Blake Griffin and Chris Kaman might be the most poised to win RIGHT AWAY for Bron-Bron.
And with ESPN's L.A. studios at night, the focus and volume of his highlights could be replayed ad nauseum throughout the day on SportsCenter and ESPNNews reruns.
But, using my East Coast bias, sometimes things on the West Coast get lost in the shuffle back here. The Clippers/Lakers - which would be quite a rivalry with Kobe and Bronnie in the City of Angels - would tip off at 10 p.m., best-case, and most NBA fans would be counting sheep at that time.
Also, let's not discount L.A. due to the China Syndrome. LeBron is huge in China. And the closer he is to the Red Giant - not to mention a sizable Chinese media contingency in L.A. - the easier that LBJ can truly go global.
But ultimately, the Bulls are where LeBron has the best chance to do it all.
Win immediately. Build a legacy, doing so in the shadows of Air Jordan. Relocate to a major city.
Chicago's roster is terrific and LeBron would compliment it very, very well. I don't think we've seen the talent-level of Derrick Rose yet. The world - and the league - is his oyster. To use ESPN parlance, D-Rose is NEXT.
The Bulls added a bull on the blocks in Carlos Boozer, plus there are serviceable players like Joakim Noah, Luol Deng, and a solid Hakim Warrick.
A few years ago when Chicago had the best player on the planet, they also had a great supporting cast from 2-12. The Bulls - right now - may mimic that right now.
Sorry Knicks, Cavs, and Nets fans. There's just not enough "there" there, no matter how many Jay-Z songs you can recite. (speaking of which, Hova, if you're paying Dwyane Wade, LeBron might be paying D-Rose.)
And besides, leave it to the Bulls to tear the heart out of Cavs fans. Again.