Wednesday, May 27, 2009
  Cleveland YEAH!
I've gotten these links sent to me numerous times and - in checking the YouTube hits - 1.5 million people have viewed them and hopefully laughed as hard as I did.

So without further ado, here are the two (hastily made) Cleveland Tourism videos.

(for the record, TLBR has been to Cleveland twice, voluntarily, and has enjoyed both trips.)

Monday, May 18, 2009
  Just Some Monday Musings
It'll be great when it stops shampooing raining.  It's cold and rainy and I'm sick of it.  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?  Perhaps I'm suffering.

Ok, onto some stuff that's been boiling over:

*  One of my favorite jokes from the movie Good Morning Vietnam was "What's the difference between the Boy Scouts and the Army?  The Boy Scouts don't have heavy artillery."

Well, apparently now they do.
*  This might be the greatest headline ever:  "Citi Field Mets streaker emerges clothed, unapologetic after night in jail."

And the story?  Even better.  
*  Here's rooting for one of TLBR's favorite TL's - Dontrelle Willis.  When he was pitching well, the D-Train was fun to watch.  And off the field, in my brief stint as SportsTicker baseball reporter, he was engaging and a terrific interview.  Hope he gets his form back.
*  Great line from NBC Nightly News' Brian Williams, regarding his off-the-camera life as a fan of all music blogger:  

"I have a wife and two children and a house and a two-car garage and a dog. No one should fear me becoming a tragic hipster. I may be a hipster, but never tragic. I'm not going to bars in Brooklyn and drinking PBRs."  

The entire interview can be read here.  And for the record, there's nothing tragic about drinking PBR.  It's not only economical, but it's damned good beer.
*  I'm wondering when the decision was made that we care about the vice president?  I suppose it's relevant, considering the hate-monger (best case), borderline Satanic (worst case) that we just had for the last eight years essentially ran the country.

And it was probably relevant this past election, when the old, bitter dude had the young, dumb chick as his running heartbeat away from the Oval Office, you betcha.

But even now that Change has come to America, can we get a big "Yes, We Can" to the STFUVP movement?

Joe Biden should never talk.  Ever.  Unless someone else writes his remarks for him.

I tend to be liberal with my social conscience, conservative with my fiscal and judicial responsibilites.  I think we can have civil dialogue with our enemies, while also dispensing the proper amount of justice in the proper setting.

I'd rather not torture terror suspects.  But if they don't get three hots and a cot, and are mildly uncomfortable, I'm fine with that.  If the floors of the prisons are slippery and, whoops, they fall down (repeatedly, over and over, until something gives...), then I'm fine with it.

Just don't tell me.  Don't make it public.  Just make it happen.  Go to a used book store and buy a copy of "The Prince."  In some cases, the ends do justify the means.

Back to Biden - we do not need to know where the VP's secret bunker is.  We do not need to know where the shadow cabinet and Congress get shipped to in case of global calamity.

National secrets should remain as such.  Our national leaders should have enough intelligence and foresight to know that.
That is all.  Time to go back to being miserable.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009
  Lunchtime videos
Something to do while eating lunch...enjoy:

Monday, May 11, 2009
  Filing Through
From the "You Can Take the Idiot out of New Jersey, but you can't take the New Jersey out of the Idiot" file:  

In the second quarter, there was a play where Rondo outrebounded Dwight Howard, to which Rondo was knocked out of bounds and into the first row of "Gucci seats."  

Some guy with a blue shirt stood up and was yelling at Rondo and (potentially) the official - both of whom were within earshot.  And from what I can remember, the guy had a kid next to him, wearing a white hat.

It was YOU, Ernest Provetti.  (Just in case you wonder what he looks like, check out his Facebook page)

And funny, as the play was unfolding, you were closer to the court than Stan Van Gundy.

Nice double-standard, ass.  If you don't want golf balls in your yard, don't move near a golf course.

If you don't want to get run over by pro basketball players, don't sit in the front row.  

On an aside, his son was the only person on the floor to get a body on Big Baby down the stretch, so credit to him for that.
From the "Beats the Alternative" and "Boy, that last name is ironic" files":  

First of all, I have a giant problem with the notion of "celebrity priest."  The Pope has that job.

Secondly, oh hell, it's better than a 10-year old altar boy.  It's a 35-year old woman.  It might be against the church rules, but it's perfectly normal from where I'm sitting.

And his last name - Cutié - c'mon, you can't make this shampoo up.
From the "First time TLBR has ever purposely talked about NHL hockey" file:  

Look, I care about the Bruins because they're winning.  When they no longer win, then I no longer watch/care.

But the sucker punch from last night's Hurricanes/Bruins game by Scott Walker to the face of defenseman Aaron Ward deserved a suspension.

My dad was a hockey player.  I was not.  I would not have been able to stay on the ice, mostly because I couldn't skate.  But also, if something like this happened to me or my teammate, I'd go apeshit.

So maybe it's a bigger punishment for Scott Walker to be on the ice as opposed to in the upper press box...
That's it for today.

Friday, May 08, 2009
  Another TLBR Exclusive: Manny Ramirez Opens Up
On July 31, Manny Ramirez gave Throws Left, Bats Right an exclusive interview* in what was believed to be his most extensive post-trade comments after being shipped to the L.A. Dodgers.

Ramirez, recently banned by Major League Baseball for violation of its drug policy, again joined TLBR for another post-ban exclusive.**

(* - not really; ** - ibid)
Manny, thanks for joining us for this exclusive interview.  It's been a very interesting 24 hours, so let's jump right into the questions.

Q:  First off, as you know, steroids in baseball is a big problem.  And so is peer pressure.  Throughout your career, did you ever feel the need to use performance-enhancing drugs by any of your teammates or friends in baseball?

Q:  You've been banned for 50 games for failing one of Major League Baseball's drug tests.  The drug in question is human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG).  It's prescribed use is for female fertility.  It's abused by steroid users to kickstart testosterone levels.  You say it was for a personal medical problem, reportedly sexual disfunction.  Can you explain what you were using it for?

Q:  Did it work?

Q:  There are several rumored side-effects to the drug, one of which makes it difficult to rub your belly and pat your head at the same time:  Is this true?

Q: Is it true that using steroids gives you the ability to make objects levitate?

Q: Another side effect is taking on female characteristics - A-Rod was reportedly called "bitch tits" - did you see yourself taking on any female characteristics?

(No, I said female characteristics...)
Q:  Have you recovered from the sexual disfunction issues?

Q:  What would happen if you and Don King had children?

Q:  Can you show me what an airplane does?

Q:  And how do you start the chicken dance?

Q:  Can you show me your best 'Lil Jon impression?

Q:  You're out of baseball for the next 50 games.  What will you do to stay in shape?

Q: Back to the peer pressure thing, who gave you the most information or best advice regarding using steroids?

Q:  From Clemens, to Giambi, to Pettitte, to Kevin Brown, to Jason Grimsley, to Gary Sheffield, to Bobby Estalella, to Mike Stanton, to Ron Villone, and most recently to A-Rod, how did your current manager take the news that he had another key player under his control accused of using steroids?

Thanks for joining us again Manny.  Enjoy your time off beteeen now and July 3.

Have a good weekend everyone...
Monday, May 04, 2009
  April Showers Bring May Bloggers...
Off of the Isle of Elba, the self-imposed blog exile is on furlough, Willie Horton-style.

Remember Willie Horton? The furloughed criminal that committed unspeakable crimes while the dastardly liberal Michael Dukakis was governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts? Made you really reconsider who the real bad guy was then...unless you had a brain...which apparently very few of our countrymen had 21 years ago.

Well, driving in this morning (in the new vehicle...not new in the literal sense, but certainly in the possessive sense...) I heard two songs, back-to-back, that kind of summed up my previous night's television:

"Imagine" by John Lennon and "It's the End of the World As We Know It (and I feel fine)" by REM.

MSNBC, with it's all-Obama, all-hope, all-the-time programming, makes you forget that it's supposed to be objective news and not the Pax Network.

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

Swell, init? But we're still in the untenable (dare I say unwinnable) Iraq conflict, all the while Afghanistan is launching Taliban Vista (I'm a Mac), Pakistan continues to Ostrich all the problems around its borders, and old friend Yemen is looking at its Somali neighbors across the Gulf of Aden thinking, "hey, this anarchy thing isn't such a bad plan."

Then we have the Fox News, Ann Coulter/Sean Hannity/Dick Morris/Newt Gingrich cesspool crowd. Makes you want to buy a helmet. Or start a doomsday shelter in your basement. Canned peas, powdered milk, and a brand-spanking-new Sarah Palin model assault rifle. Good for killing raccoons and bunnies when the end is near, betchabygollywow.

That's great, it starts with an earthquake,
Birds and snakes and aeroplanes...

And the way things are being covered, even Lenny Bruce would be afraid of the global seventh sign that is the swine flu.

A local college here in the Biggest Little just held its commencement ceremonies...WITH NO HAND SHAKES. This due in large part to the, um, zero confirmed cases of the biggest thing to come along since, um, SARS. Which also killed zero people in Rhody. There are seven confirmed cases of people going to Mexico and getting colds.

Three other cases of people drinking too much Corona and waking up with a splitting headache have also been investigated.

I'd venture to guess that more people were afflicted with polio over the last year than will be "sick" with swine flu. This also coming from the Commissioner of Health, who said that "if you aren't feeling well and were planning on going to the doctor, you should still go."

Yes, I do believe he went to school for seven years for that grand plan. I'd revoke his pension, if it's still worth anything, after that stroke of genius.

Two songs, two messages (albeit, REM's was a wee bit sarcastic), two sentiments on how we see the world these days...good heavens...
While we're on the topic of music, apologies for being a little late to the Sunday dinner table, but just bought the Kings of Leon's new one "Only By The Night."

Wow, and I do mean wow, I don't think I've bought an album since Pearl Jam's "Ten" or Ray LaMontagne's "Trouble" where I had to stop and listen to every song and was floored by each and every track.

"Sex on Fire" is about as good a power ballad, hard-charging song as there has been in decades. And who doesn't love a good song about make-up sex?

It's all straight cash, homey.
Looking forward to the Sox playing their first three at Howard Lamade Stadium in Williamsport, Pa. the new Yankee Stadium.

But if they don't play tonight or tomorrow due to rain, I'm fine with that - won't have to worry about flipping back and forth between the Celtics and Bruins games.

(don't worry, my ankles are taped up tightly for the jumps on and off each team's respective playoff bandwagon...)
More on music (not moron music...), but I can't help but love Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You" song.

Sounds like since her split from Clive Davis, someone produced her latest shampoo on a Casio keyboard and a three drum set from "Rock Band" on PS2.

But I love it. What can I say?
Took a little vacay down to Key West (nice spot, probably needed two more days and 100 less beers, but it was nice) and brought with me one of two books that I could almost physically not put down: "The Unforgiving Minute," by Craig Mullaney.

Even though the author went to the same high school as I did, I'm not biased. It's an unbelievable book.

And if you haven't done "The Miracle of St. Anthony" by Adrian Wojnarowski, then set aside about a week and go belly-to-belly and back-to-back.
The next time Julio Lugo turns a double play, someone should buy him a shampooing ice cream cone or take him for pizza after the game.

How shampooing bad is he? Alex Gonzalez farts in your general direction, Theo Epstein.
Last bit about the Sox - and on the blog post - but it's 25 games and 14.1 innings into Manny Delcarmen's season and he just gave up his first earned run yesterday.

Ramon Ramirez is about the same in terms of innings thrown, and he allowed his first inherited runner to cross the plate - also in yesterday's game.

I'm perfectly content with this.

Perfectly content?

It IS the end of the world as we know it.

(RIP JG. Too young.)
A daily - or every-other-day - account of all there is in my head
that's dying to get out, via my fingers.
(I vow to attack this endeavor with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind.)

05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 / 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 / 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 / 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 / 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 / 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 / 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 / 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 / 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 / 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 / 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 / 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 / 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 / 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 / 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 / 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 / 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 / 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 / 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 / 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 / 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 / 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 / 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 / 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 / 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 / 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 / 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 / 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 / 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 / 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 / 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 / 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 / 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 / 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 / 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 / 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 / 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 / 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 / 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 / 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 / 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 / 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 / 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 / 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 / 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009 / 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 / 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009 / 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009 / 04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010 / 05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010 / 06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010 / 07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010 / 08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010 / 05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011 / 09/01/2011 - 10/01/2011 /

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