Monday, October 31, 2005
  Six Days of Separation
Here's today's stuff.

Been getting frustrated with the lack of promptness that MKE Time-Warner Cable has displayed in getting me a high-speed internet account in the dee-luxe apartment. Sure, I could go across the street to the office, but c'mon... Can't blog, rocking the sleep pants and black socks in the office.

So here's today stuff:


Did the two-time defending World Champions win because of him? No, not directly.

But they did win because his presence put others back in their normal - or close to their normal - positions on the field.

Tom Curran of the ProJo explained: "The Patriots' linebacker alignment was completely revamped last night. Tedy Bruschi and Mike Vrabel started inside in place of Chad Brown and Monty Beisel. For Vrabel, it was his second start in a row at inside linebacker after having not played there previously for the Pats. Rosevelt Colvin and Willie McGinest got the start at outside linebacker."

Things like that helped to set up a Rosey Colvin strip-sack.
Speaking of strips and sacks, WTF is an "unnatural act" on defense?

More from Curran: "The Patriots had the Bills facing a third-and-4 at the New England 45 when the Pats were called for a procedure penalty. The Patriots, according to the call by
referee Ron Winter, performed an "unnatural act" defensively

What happened, did they sub in Robert Elkin for a set?
Well, well, well. No Arabian horse breeders, no longtime pals, no former employees of his Daddy.

This time W actually nominated someone with experience. As the last Supreme Court nominee, Harriet Miers, was slightly less qualified than say, me....the new guy, Samuel Alito, at least has being a judge and stuff on his C.V.

As for the "well, is he conservative or liberal?" scrums, let that be an indictment of the W presidency (lower-case p duly noted). With his idiocy and foibles, his lies and ill-choices, he's made us all yearn for mediocrity and "settle" for the replacement when the original parts were
too flawed to function (see also: Brown, Michael.)
Great, Theo got his deal.

Two trains of thought here, both with merit, both accurate.

One, Theo was a young kid - the youngest in the biz - and got a break to be the G.M. for the best team in baseball. He got a pittance for pay, but that was because they had a bunch of
other guys in there as consultants - from Mike Port to Bill LaJoie to Jeremy Kapstein. From 350k to 850k - the initial Sox offer in the re-negotiations - guess what, that's more than doubling your pay. In any business, I don't care what you do, if you want a raise, you never get more than double. So Theo should've been happy.

OTOH, Theo did something that no G.M. since 1918 did. That's pretty notable and, around those parts, you reward such an accomplishment with a lifetime pass. You enter the "Never having to buy a beer in Boston" club. That's a pretty special place. The job he did rivaled the best in the business, the best in baseball history. He should be paid accordingly.

And OTOOH, I'm tired of the Manny talk. I've been a Manny supporter all along. But congrats Larry and Dr. Charles, you've beaten me into submission. Good luck with the impending trade, the drought in runs scored, and the new team record for IBB in '06.

If it's the Angels, and they can get Ervin Santana and Darin Erstad, I'd be pleased. If it's the Mets, they don't have anything worth buying. If it's the Dodgers, I might officially switch to the Brewers.
The National/White House press corps keep talking about "Scooter" getting indicted, and thanks to the good folks at Fox, all I can think of is that effing talking baseball.

"Hey, it's Scooter. Today, instead of talking about the slider, I'm going to teach you kids how to blow the cover of one of the nation's top clandestine agents, in the field of weapons of mass destruction..."
People in these parts are making a big deal how the Packers suck, about Brett Favrererer should retire, and his record five interceptions yesterday against the Bengals.

But in reality, Favrererer had six takeaways yesterday - the five picks, plus the one ball that he coughed up to the fan who ran onto the field.

If you haven't seen this clip, it's comical. Hi-larious, even. The guy (wearing an orange t-shirt) apparently leaped nine feet from the stands, ran the whole way through the Packer bench, onto the field, into the Green Bay huddle, and then snatched the ball from wicked awesome #4, and ran down the sideline.

By some accounts, the fan made a great move around the 20, dekeing two officials who attempted to tackle him, before getting throttled on the goal line. Replays to ascertain whether or not he crossed the goal line were inconclusive.

The only thing that the fan needed to make it priceless was a "King" outfit, from the B.K. Lounge.
New Jersey is changing its motto from "The Garden State."

The lovely Tina Fey and the wonderful Amy Poehler, of SNL's Weekend Update had a good suggestion- New Jersey: Who Farted?

But in reality, they spent almost a quarter-of-a-million bucks to "rebrand" the Sewage State, and came up with "New Jersey, We'll Win you Over."

This is what acting Gov. Richard Codey had to say: "It starts with a negative connotation. It kind of reminds me when I was single and I asked a girl out. She said no. I said, 'Go out with me one time, I think I can win you over.' "

Well, the slogan and the state might suck, but at least NJ residents can be happy about one thing: this Governor likes girls.
My entry for the slogan?

"New Jersey: Only Two Hours To Delaware."
Speaking of Rosey the middle of his interview with Dale and Holley on WEEI this morning, he hocked a loogy.

Not one to let it pass, as the entire Patriot Nation audience got to hear his phlegmatic fortunes, Colvin apologized for his "snot."

Great. What's the over/under on snarked up Cheerios?
Another update on accused Australian drug smuggler, Schapelle Corby.

You just get the feeling that, no matter what, the Indonesian courts aren't going to relent. Even, the more that Corby takes them on, the more they'll dig their heels into the sand.

Oh well. The lesson for the day: don't honeymoon in Bali, T.P.
That's it from me. Have a good, and hopefully not Manic, Monday.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005
  Groove Holmes
Been mad crazy busy, so I haven't had a chance to blog, so many apologies.

Here's the blogging equivalent of heated-up leftover pot roast when all you really want is a pepperoni pizza:

*** First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women.

Samson Barmao knows it.

Check his quote after winning the Nairobi Marathon.

*** Hmmm.

*** But this is more telling.

Perhaps it's a bias, but it's the people BEHIND the scenes, the p.r. people (coughcoughBIASED), the trainers, the members of the travel party that don't wear a uniform that make these things go. Correnti was pretty well-liked by most of the players.

Should be interesting to see how they turn this page.

*** I know that sometimes, you start spending and then the next morning you wake up, you say to yourself "holy cow..."

Maybe you went out in Boston with 100 bucks in your wallet and the next morning, you wake up with six credit card or ATM receipts and about eight bucks in change.

Maybe you're in the zone at Mohegan Sun, playing blackjack at 50 bucks a hand.

But a quarter of a million dollars on lap dances and champagne?

Now, I'm not the expert on these matters, but I did read about them once. A lap dance usually lasts for a song, which usually lasts for 4-5 minutes. And, depending on the price, can go from $10 at the Tanga to $40 or so at the Mons.

So, taking the high-end of that spectrum, that would mean for $241,000, you could get 6,025 lap dances. That many "les danses contacts" (Canadien for lap dance) would take 24,100 minutes, or approximately 16.7 days.

Unless this guy supersized his #2, which I would seem to think would be a cash transaction as you wouldn't want a paper trail on account of the illegality of prostitution, then he bought a lot of his friends lap dances (read: the borough of Queens), or ordered a lot of pizzas and chinese takeout to the club.

*** WMVY radio update...Shakedown Street by the Dead. Don't tell me this station ain't got no heart.

*** And now they're playing new Sheryl Crow tune, "Rolling Thunder." She always seems to kick ass with the first single off all her albums. This one is supposed to be about Lance.

Ok, sorry for the lame post. Hey, even future Hall of Famers can pull out early. I blame this on my sore hamstring.

Friday, October 21, 2005
  Toes Go In First
*** Boomer? See ya.

You just joined the ranks of Jim Leyritz and Ramiro Mendoza - former Yankees who came in and, well, never really did much to shed me of your pinstripes.

Thanks for the 14 wins this season. Don't talk smack on the way out.

Now get out.

***I like Milwaukee. But I miss Hot 97...blazin' hip hop & R&B. I really do.

MKE radio kinda, um, sucks.

But thankfully my boy DB turned me on to the new Pharrell (f. Gwen) - "Can I have it like that." It's the hottest song out right now. Fierce.

*** Don't miss Bob Ryan's column today, in case you were considering toeing the Tobin Bridge b/c the two-time defending World Champs are 3-3.

*** More Red Sox trade news. WTF (shampoo). I've had it with this crap. Just go and raise the ticket prices again, asses.

*** Hey Pedro, you really need to STF (shampoo) U. Like my mom says, build a bridge and get over it. Make it the Whitestone, pal..

From today's New York Daily News, regarding the previous bulletpoint:
"I knew he wasn't going to come," Martinez said. "It was too much we had to give away to get Manny. I knew that it was going to be difficult and the Red Sox would be stupid to actually do something like that in the middle of the season for a guy so popular in the clubhouse. David was like really upset. David was already thinking differently if Manny wasn't there."
(oh, there's more from this little bitch)
"But they knew what to do. Manny pretty much told them they were going to make a mistake. You could see David doesn't get pitched (to) if Manny's not there. It would be the same way if you kept Manny and let David go. Manny wouldn't be pitched (to). Those two guys, if they don't hit, Boston is done. The other guys are not like big threats."

*** Rick Reilly's column this week was about Matt Leinert not leaving school early for the pros. It's a pretty simple idea to grasp. Kinda like 2+2 (and, conversely, kinda UNlike the LSAT).

Especially when you read this, from the NY Post's Page Six: MAN-EATER Shannen Doherty has a new boy toy. The sexy former "90210" star made the scene the other night at the L.A. launch of Victoria's Secret's new Mood line of aphrodisiac-inspired candles and home fragrances — which seem to work. Doherty, 34, planted herself on the lap of a studly college senior: USC
quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Matt Leinert. He nearly scored a touchdown right in their banquette, our spywitness reports. Also at the bash, held at the aptly-named Club Mood and hosted by Alessandra Ambrosio and Tyra Banks, were Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos, Mike Tyson, Kevin Federline, Joaquin Phoenix and Christian Slater.

Hmmm...I remember partying in college, but it was never with Brenda, supermodels, and stupid blondes.

Wait, I'm lying. The stupid blondes were there.

*** is a great work-time listen. Just terrific. "And so it is..." They're playing "Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice. Haven't heard that in ages. Sorry, I'm cyber-daydreaming right now about the five-hour drive from Launceston to Hobart.

*** Ok, I'm going to start a new series on the blog, since i've for some unforeseen reason, even to myself, have eschewed the Hand...

It's called, um, "Imagine if."

Imagine if you walked into a bar and saw Dikembe Mutombo singing "American Pie" by Don Mclean.

That's it. Have a nice Friday.

Thursday, October 20, 2005
  As Dry as Melba Toast
Don't have much today. A little sleepy.

*** I've implemented a new TLBR-wide dress code. All readers and contributors must be wearing pants.

*** St. Louis Cardinals...those shiny happy people at Busch Stadium...boy aren't they the best fans? Boy, they just take everything in stride. Boy, aren't they swell? They were chanting "Let's go Cardinals" while the Astros were dancing on their lawn.

You know what that makes them? Good losers.

And you know what good losers are? Still losers.

p.s. - thanks for Renteria.

*** No truth to the rumor that he's eligible for parole right around the time of Sam Jones.

*** I got this link emailed to me and I can't for the life of me explain why. but sometimes there is no explanation for pure, unadulterated genius.

*** Or pure, unadulterated wrongness.

*** What will get higher ratings: "My Name is Earl" or the 2005 World Series?

Regardless, I want Biggio and Bagwell to get rings. Go 'Stros.

*** Jason Richardson on the new NBA dress code: "You wear a suit you still could be a crook. You see all that happened with Enron and Martha Stewart. Just because you dress a certain way doesn't mean you're that way. Hey, a guy could come in with baggy jeans, a do-rag and have a Ph.D. and a person who comes in with a suit could be a three-time felon."

True dat, J-Rich. I'm still on the fence with this. I like suits, so I wear them when I can. The office setting is casual (no tie, no jacket), the gameday setting is a suit. If the NBA was a Catholic School, I suppose they could legislate this and hand out detention to offenders. But it's not. And the more you tell people to do things, the more they revolt.

Should everyone in the league be like Dwyane Wade (shameless, I know) and dress and act to the highest degree of style and class? Yes. But should Allen Iverson be forced to go to Brooks Brothers? No. The good (and bad) things about the League is its varying degrees of style and candor.

*** Sheriff Sully had me roaring with this one. You need to read this story.

Not much else today. Sorry. Off to study for LSAT's.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
  The Only 10k that's Better is Haile's
Wow. 10,000 hits on this site. I'm floored. I never thought people would read 6.2 miles of this crap.

Thanks to everyone who logs on regularly, intermittently, and/or by mistake. Hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I've enjoyed writing.

Onto today's mularkey, which is really a combination of stuff from yesterday and stuff from today.
*** The USC-Notre Dame football game was one of the best college games - heck, one of the best games in any sport- of all time. It had everything you'd like to see.

And for anyone who wonders why Matt Leinart came back, it's not hard to decipher. Same way that, if anyone had ever stepped foot on the campus of Wake Forest, they would understand why Tim Duncan stayed four years.

I'll bet, if they let him go a fifth season, Leinart would start classwork on his MBA.

*** Oh, so there's a reason you were 2-for-20 with RiSP? Maybe I'm a cynic, or just don't like the guy, but I question the timing.

*** Ok, so Tedy Bruschi is coming back. Wow.

I, like many Pats fans, am scared for him. I think he's scared for him. But I think he's making the right decision. Why? Because HE'S making it.

Anyone who listens to Tedy Bruschi knows that he is an intelligent man. And he knows what is going on inside his body better than all of us. If it's not going to work, he'll make that call in much of the same fashion that he made the decision to attempt this.

Not me, not Borges, not Dennis and Callahan, not Belichick, not Kraft. Only Tedy.

And just a footnote to yesterday's press conference, but a bit of appreciation for what he did: he thanked Stacey James, the Patriots' director of public relations for giving Stacey "a big headache" over the last few months. Nice to see an athlete appreciate what those (us, actually)folks do, behind the line.

*** And on an aside, i hope tedy's first order of business is drilling Duane Starks into the ground. God, if he is on the field in two weeks, I'm going to question pre-ordering the new Halberstam book about Coach Belichick. Paging Earthwind Moreland andf Hank Poteat. Bring your cleats and pick up your playbook.

*** News about former Georgia Tech standout and Atlanta Hawk forward Jason Collier's death was not lost this weekend. Another one, too young. RIP, Jason.

*** How about this article about the cancellation of the Kellenberg Memorial prom, in Long Island?

I think it stinks, but then again, I hated my proms. I am, however, most impressed with the use of the word "bacchanalian." A job well-done by the K-berg principal for using that 50 cent word, (which is not to be confused with words used by rapper 50 Cent, because those are denoted here on TLBR by the euphemism "shampoo...")

*** Someone alert Congress that there is going to be a steroid user pretty soon.

*** At 3:00 p.m. yesterday, I was sick of the WEEI Neurologists, so I switched to WMVY - Martha's Vineyard radio.

You can find it online at:

Instead of Steve DeOssie committing a felony on the English language, you can get the soothing sounds of Tracy Chapman and the Grateful Dead. In the summertime, you can also get the standby status of the Woods Hole and Hyannis ferries.

*** Some breaking news in the case of Schapelle Corby.

To get the backstory about Ms. Corby, google her or check back to the early days of TLBR.

Bottom line: this is not a get out of jail free card. If anything, it allows her to serve time in a prison that is fit for human occupation. Her recent appeals to have her sentence thrown out have been denied. The only thing that the Indonesian gov't has done is take 5 years off her sentence. But let's be honest here, that's like putting chocolate sauce on dog shit. It might make it ok initially, but it's still...

*** Last night, I made a bold attempt.

I made a meatloaf.

And to be honest, it was awesome. It is awesome. It is about a week and a half of meals.

So move over, Rachael Ray, here's the recipe:
- preheat the oven to 375 degrees
- get a big bowl
- get a whole bunch of meat. have a butcher grind it up and stuff. go with about 3 lbs. of it
- put the meat in it
- dump 1/3 cup of breadcrumbs in
- dump 3/4 cup of chopped up white onion and celery
- dump 1/3 cup of parsley in
- chop half of a red, green, and yellow pepper up. dump it in
- add a dash of garlic powder
- pour some egg beaters over the top - if you want an exact measurement, call it 1/2 cup
- get a mixing bowl and create my meatloaf sauce concoction (said sauce is 1 cup spicy barbeque sauce, 1/3 cup ketchup, ample splashes of A-1, and a hearty dollop of yellow mustard)
- chop up a little bacon
- mix it all up and make a loaf out of it

Bake for 60 minutes, stopping at 35:00 to top it with a small mix of 75% bbq, 15% mustard, 10% ketchup, just for coating.

*** In response to the NBA and Commissioner David Stern's new "dress code" policy for the league, Denver's Marcus Camby and Charlotte's Brevin Knight had something to say.

(lifting much of this from Oscar Dixon's USA Today piece)

The commissioner talked about professionalism, representation, accessibility to fans and community service — making it clear he feels his league has an image problem.

Ignoring the dress code is not an option. "Teams and players will be subject to fines" for violating the dress code, said NBA spokesman Tim Frank. "Repeat offenders will be subject to suspensions."

But here's the kicker: Philadelphia 76ers superstar Allen Iverson has said he would fight a dress code. Denver Nuggets center Marcus Camby and Charlotte Bobcats guard Brevin Knight said that if the league wants to institute a dress code that players should receive stipends or vouchers to offset clothing costs.

AI, to me, gets a pass because I like his game. And Camby, sort of, because he once did me a pretty solid favor that got me off my then-girlfriend's fecal roster (excuse, hold on, I need to pick up that name I mistakenly dropped). I've got nothing for Brevin Knight.

But regardless...A SHAMPOOING VOUCHER FOR CLOTHES? You know who needs a voucher for clothes? Hurricane Katrina victims. Homeless veterans. And, to an extent, Division I scholarship athletes. But Marcus Camby, he of the boatloads of money Cambys, wants a voucher?

Oh, but wait, this is the "reason:" Buying off the rack is less of an option for people who average 6-7, and although the league is requiring players to buy a wardrobe for an 82-game regular season, the minimum player salary last season was $385,000. Sport coats priced at shops that cater to big and tall men ranged from $150-$600.

Here's what I do guys: re-suit, just change your shirt, tie, socks, and undies. It's all good. No one notices!

At the extreme, the NBA should make Tom James or Joseph Abboud a league official. The vice-commissioner for wardrobe or some shite.

"I look at K.G. (Kevin Garnett), and Tim Duncan, they just want to be comfortable," says former NBA center Kevin Willis, who played with Duncan in San Antonio. "Tim told me the last time he wore a suit he had the worst game of this career."

Ironically, the Spurs, the reigning defending NBA champions and one of the league's model franchises, will be most affected by the dress code. San Antonio, which has a reputation for having players known for high character, has perhaps the biggest group of casual dressers.

Duncan leads the list. His normal attire is jeans and an oversized shirt. "I don't even own a suit," he says.

David Stern is trying to reform his league's image, but taking the comments of its best-known players at face-value, the efforts to reform said image is only dragging it down further.

*** On the topic of the NBA...I'm sick and tired of reading about that player who went pro too early, took the money and ran, has all the talent in the world but is misplacing it. Aren't there rules regarding age? Shouldn't someone police this?

And on top of all that, this player went out and "disrespected" the game and played it the wrong way. Who am I referring to?

Michelle Wie.

Why isn't anyone up in arms for her decision, yet, if Greg Oden or LeBron ever wanted to make a similar jump, it would be a societal issue.

*** Ok, Butch Manny Ramirez still the best right-handed hitter in the game? Me votes for Pujols, yarrrr (that was me talking in pirate).

*** And on as aside, how much better is the team of Thom Brennaman, Psycho Lyons, and Bob Brenly than those other clowns who are doing the ALCS? They lap the field.

For crying out loud, Brenly's comments were prescient, like he had a script or something. Or maybe because he's been there. And their interaction is not forced and very entertaining. It doesn't take away from the game.

*** From the NY Post's "Page Six:" WEEZER frontman Rivers Cuomo is going back to school. The nerd-rock icon — who enrolled at Harvard years ago after the band's second album, "Pinkerton," flopped — says he'll return in February to complete his degree in English literature. The singer-guitarist-songwriter for the multi-platinum rockers, who are now touring with the Foo Fighters, said yesterday on Howard Stern's show he plans to live in the dorms. It's unlikely Cuomo's school days will lead to any serious rock 'n' roll debauchery — he's been celibate for 2 1/2 years.

For my money, there's not a more overrated rock star than this guy...

*** Click on Chad Finn's link at the top of the page. He is the only writer - the only one - who has most accurately described the Red Sox season. The piece is called "The End of the Idiots."

*** This is the kind of stuff about my business that makes my teeth hurt.

What's more important, the health of a student-athlete or a sponsor? Who are we serving here?

Here's a compromise, kids - have him try on different adidas shoes, find the one that fits best. Otherwise, he wears Nike, Reebok, K-Swiss, and LA Gear - whatever fricken works for him

That's all from here. Thanks again for helping to reach that milestone. See you at 20k.

Friday, October 14, 2005
  It's Madness Day...MADNESS!
Welcome to Friday. Welcome to the second-best sports day of the year. Welcome to Midnight Madness day.

No matter if your madness is Mulcahy, Marquette, Manhattan or Mizzou, it's a great day. So get out to your local team's arena and lend your support.

Onto today's stuff:

Tom Gordon wants to be a closer again.

Ok. I'd have him third on the free agent depth chart, behind BJ Ryan and Billy Wagner.

And since the spirit of atonement is in the air - and since he didn't go right from Boston to the Yankees, he made a stop in Chicago - all is forgiven.
Ordinarily, we here hate the Toronto organization for jobbing (for un-jobbing, for that matter) my man JJ, but Blue Jay catcherGregg Zaun just made the TLBR quote of the week, re: NESN's Hazel Mae.

"Hazel, you're really cool. You are kind of like a guy, but with all the neat playthings."

It's so "Leave it to Beaver," (which, coincedentally, might be a euphemism for the euphemism "playthings," but I digress), but it works.

We're personally big Haze fans out here. Anytime a member of the opposite sex considers watching Law and Order marathons on USA, and can explain the infield fly rule and the notion of hitting behind the runner with less than two outs, you propel up the depth chart.

I mean, yeah. Wow. This helps to prove three points that I've been maintaining for quite some time.

1. Kevin Youkilis is not a good looking man.
2. Keith Foulke is a clown.
3. If you can either hit or throw a curveball, life is pretty good.

Taking over Zaun's spot for quote of the week was my main man Gonzo in the beltway, re: this webshots album: "These guys must have treated these girls like farm animals that night."

I don't know what that means, but it's wrong. All sorts of wrong.
At the beginning of last week, there were five folks up here in the Al with distinctive baseball followings - Boston, NY, Houston, St. Louis, and the Chi-Sox. Now, there are three teams represented. And in my world, just two.

For my money, something really drastic and newsworthy could happen in the ALCS and I wouldn't care because I wouldn't be watching. Oh, there was? Really? What happened, did the rule of human fallacy come into play? Cool.

It's called Bruins.

But I am strictly an NLCS guy this year. For two, possibly three, reasons.
1. I hate listening to Tim McCarver and mildly loathe Joe Buck. I just do.
2. The American League stopped playing baseball a week ago, in my world. Does that make me one of these arrogant AL Easters? Sure. But I just don't care about the ALCS. And if you put a gun ot my head and said "pick one," I'd go with the Angels because of OC (more on him later) and Vlady.
3. I want Jeff Bagwell to win a ring. Just because.
Things are good out here in MKE - which is the "hip" way to refer to Milwaukee. Kinda like how all the pretentious pretty primas in the tri-state area put those hideous "ACK" stickers on their SUV's and luxury cars to let everyone know "hey, I've been to Nantucket." ACK is the symbol for the Nantucket airport, not a quote from Bill the Cat of Bloom County fame.

Personally, I'd like a three-letter sticker that meant "Cram it in your cram hole" to all these people.

But I'm seeing a buddhist about it, it's OK.

Back to the Milwacky talk - it's very nice out here. Indian Summer right now. The new hometown is very underrated.
Critics talk about how current Red Sox shortstop Edgar Renteria made 31 errors during the regular season and former Sox shortstop Orlando Cabrera made only five. Well, this was one
of them
. This was another one.

And no, if you're scoring the game, you cannot assume the double play.
- Made two iTunes downloads this week: the new David Gray and new Fiona Apple albums.
Normally, I'd have d/l'ed them in a different fashion, but the deeluxe apartment has yet to be equipped with high-speed internet access. Regardless, if you're a fan of either artist, you'll love both albums. I highly recommend them.
Yeah, as you see, I cruise through webshots from time to time. It's good for time-wasting or for what I call, "cultural assimilation." A little one state, two state; red state, blue state if you must.

For instance, overheard during this photo.
- I guess I'm finding a theme with today's TLBR. It's "unfortunate candid day."

I'm a pretty good beirut player, but I couldn't imagine having to face this guy.
Manny has no idea where he is. Or does he? The guy is dumb like a fox.

And if Vick is using "Ron Mexico" as his alias, what does Manny use? Mark Portugal? Iran Barkley? Tom Brunansky?
More transaction wire fun: NIAGARA DAREDEVILS--Signed C Terry Sellers

Akin to the aforementioned curveball theory, you simply can't teach height.

If i were you, I'd do two things: 1. keep the credit card statements out of sight and; 2. buy stock in DirecTV
Now, we're going to get the Bill Romanowski-as-a-victim spin. Adam Schefter just wrote a book about Romo, and there will be a 60 Minutes piece coming up about how he abused steroids and HGH and all the various health-related issues he's suffering from.

Um, no. To use a Sheriff Sully theme, get on the bus with Caminiti and Alzado. You get nothing here.

Have a great weekend. USC/ND is a can't miss, and once Fan Fest 2k5 is over, neither is Pats/Broncs. And I don't mean Rider.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
  We're never gonna survive, unless we get a little meshungina
All the happiest and best wishes to those out there atoning for all their sins. Feel free to throw a few of mine in there while you're on a roll.

Ok, onto today's stuff:

RIP, Jack White. No, not the lead singer of the White Stripes, but the Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist from Rhode Island who died suddenly today.

In case some of you out there aren't geography whizzes, or aren't from RI, then you'll be glad to know that the state is quite small (and we're probably not related).

Along with WJAR's Jim Taricani, White made it uncomfortable for anyone who tried to pull anything illegal in the great state of Rhode Island.

And for anyone who pooh-pooh's this as some gumshoe hack from the smallest state in the Union, let it be known that it was White who uncovered the fact that Richard Nixon had not paid his taxes for a while, thus spawning the "I'm not a crook" speech.

He will be missed.
From today's New York Daily News:
"The Yankees haven't won a World Series since Mayor Bloomberg took office, but he doesn't feel responsible. "The one pitcher I helped them get [Al Leiter] pitched pretty well and won a game, actually," Hizzoner told The Post's Stephanie Gaskell. The mayor takes credit for talking the pitcher into leaving the Florida Marlins to come back to New York. Even though his guy pitched OK, Bloomberg, who hails from just outside of Boston and admits he's not much of a baseball fan, said he's "very disappointed" that the Yankees lost. "

Are you kidding me?
Back in April, Alex Rodriguez saved a young boy from impending danger.

Just the other day, however, Nomar Garciaparra rescued two people from drowning in Boston Harbor.

And you know what that means...

Ok, here's a story that just gets me going:

One, if she was qualified to begin with, she wouldn't need prep, P.R. saavy spinmeisters grooming her for her confirmation hearings.

God, that stuff just burns me. Maybe old Joe Kennedy was right, it's not who you are, it's who people think you are.
Ok, isn't this a little much? Don'tcha think? Here's the full story, explaining why the Smurfs look like they just flew ValuJet.

What next, are we going to get The Wiggles to the center of town and hang them from the gallows? Will UN peacekeepers find Barney and Pals in a massive shallow gravesite?
Way to shampoo it up, Jude. Nice going, "Buster."

But why do I have the feeling neither one of them will have an empty cold spot in the bed for too long?
Hey, you stupid shampoo, religion should not be a part of anyone's deciding factor for anything government-related. (for the record, I really wanted to use the F word here for emphasis, but decided against it. So for the effect, go back and insert an effenheimer for "shampoo," and repeat it to yourself quietly)

And since the subject of this whole thing - your Supreme Court nominee - is Constitution Law-retarded, I'll point you to Everson v. Board of Education.

In the majority opinion of Everson - which, Harriet, is the document prepared to explain the legal and Constitutional roots when the body you're being nominated to become a part of makes a decision - it was stated that: "The First Amendment has erected a wall between church and state. That wall must be kept high and impregnable. We could not approve the slightest breach."

So why is someone so grossly underqualified for a job being picked, Mr. Prez? Oh, because she's religious? Ass.
Holy potatoes. Do they just fall out of there by now? This puts a whole new spin on the phrase, primarily used by Rednecks, "Git'er done."

16? I find that climbing 16 flights of stairs hurts. But 16 kids? Golly.

And, when you think that this particular couple is responsible for spawning 16 more people who will undoubtedly enjoy re-runs of Roseanne on the Superstation, it makes my teeth hurt.

The Arkansas DOT should bolt one of these on their bed.
As long as they weren't wearing un-broken-in orthotics, I'm sure it was seamless.

And if you get that sub-reference, won't you agree that it was the best episode yet?
Another sign needed here.

It's not that I'm against the whole notion of the show - OK, I am, but still - it's Geena Davis. Everytime I see her, I think, "Love your body, Larry."
That's all for today.

Rejoice, for it is but two days till the weekend.

Monday, October 10, 2005
  In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety-Two
Welcome! Happy Columbo Day. Here's stuff:

Go! Fight! Win!

This here's a story about a new Concorde SST jet. The designers claim that this new jet can hold 5x as many passengers and fly at Mach 5.

If you're scoring at home, that would put a NY to London trip at about one hour.

Great idea. Go for it. Just don't book me on the maiden voyage. CoughcoughTITANICcoughcough.
Oh, here's some hard hitting news that the Boston Dirt Dog fraud is prolly pouncing on (by the way, stop using the "We're Juice Guys" graphic without giving me credit. And whichever criminal is selling those tee-shirts near Fenway, I should get a buck a shirt. But I digress.)

Manny wants to play for the White Sox.

You know what? There are prolly about 24 other guys who'd like to be on Ozzie's team now.

But this coming from Manny, I can see exactly how this came about. Right about an hour after the Red Sox lost in the ALDS and the White Sox were celebrating, Manny was asking people what time they had to be at the ballpark the next day.

Big Papi: We don't have to be here tomorrow. We lost. Our season is over.
Manny: Who were we playing?
Big Papi: The White Sox. You remember, you hit two home runs...
Manny: Against who?
Big Papi: The White Sox.
Manny: Who is that drinking beer and champagne in the other clubhouse? I like doing that.
Big Papi: It's the White Sox, they're going to the ALCS.
Manny: I want to go, too.
Big Papi: But you can't. We lost. Our season is over.
Manny: I want to play for the White Sox, too.
Big Papi: Ok, then. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Manny: I like SpongeBob. And that starfish Patrick is mad funny.

Well, that's just my guess. But I'm sure it's pretty close. The SpongeBob bit, too.
This just in from the AP transaction wire:
Strong Island Sound (ABA) - Signed guard Lloyd Daniels.

I can't figure out what's better: the fact that some team, somewhere, is paying Swee'Pea to play basketball - or - the fact that there is some team named the Strong Island Sound.

I need a t-shirt of this team. And I hope that the brothers from Brentwood, L.I. ... Erick and Parrish Making Dollars ... Erick and Parrish Microphone Doctors .. EPMD ... I hope they're the halftime entertainment.
Oh, this just in from Clearwater, Fla. Reports that Red Sox All-Star slugger wants to switch teams is surfacing once again.

Ramirez, fresh off a large chili and cheese burger (with onion rings) at Fuddrucker's - America's Greatest Hamburgers - has announced his intention to join the busstaff and short-order cooks as a part of their semi-slow pitch Thursday softball league team.

Efforts to reach Ramirez' old and new agents, Theo Epstein, and the guy at the counter who speaks into the microphone to tell the grill guys how to cook the burgers, were unsuccessful.

I saw that Drew Bledsoe and Keyshawn Johnson got into it. Apparently, Drew told Keyshawn to "hold onto the ball" after the latter got sandwiched and turned the ball over.

I'm a Drew guy. Always was. Always will be. From getting ticketed for open container in Newport after he got drafted, to stagediving to Everclear at the Avalon, to the Super Bowl the Pats lost, to almost dying a Mo Lewis death, to the Super Bowl that the Pats won. But for Drew to b*tch about a teammate turning the ball over is like Kevin Millar telling someone to start
hitting homeruns or fielding grounders.
This clown does two. Bitter.

And I'm getting over being just one seat away from a TLBR newbie catching a juiced up ball from juiced up Jason Giambi a few seasons ago at the Toilet.
I hate to be cold-hearted in light of a natural catastrophe, but I hope if the U.S. government is quick to cut checks to aid those affected, it goes to the folks in the "Katrina" file before it goes to those in the "Kashmir" file.
Staring at Christina Aguilera's ass when singing the national anthem - it's called Bruins:
From the home office in Milwaukee, WI - because guess what, that's where the new home office is - comes this.

The Onion was already the greatest newspaper in the history of the galaxy. This just takes it to another galaxy and a new history. Or something.
That's enough.

Go Halos! Go me! Go you! Go do something for a change!

Friday, October 07, 2005
  Tell Your Stupid Ranch Tooth to Shut Up!
- It's officially winter hat weather here in MKE. The accuweather temperature this morning was a cool, crisp 42 degrees.

- I just hope he puts rims on his cars. They're spinning! They're spinning!

- I'm glad I have photoshop now. WTF? This photo poses so many questions: where is Alex Rodriguez's other hand? And what is he saying? "Yeah, who's the best shortstop in the AL? Say my name, say my name, bitch." Troubling.

- I think Charles Krauthammer - save for him describing the 43rd presidency as one "marked by a courageous willingness to think and do big things" - sums it up nicely.

Two vacancies on the Supreme Court - the most powerful judicial body in the United States, let alone the world (there's that good old American unilateral arrogance rearing its ugly head again). The vacancies, one voluntary and one not-so-much voluntary, came at an innopportune time. The Supreme Court is almost ready to go into session and to sum up the civics lesson
here, it is not made to perform short-handed (and neither are the Boston Bruins, but that's a completely different breed of cat altogether.)

So time is of the essence. Those seats needed to be filled. And while the days of John Adams' midnight appointments are long gone, the days of a President rewarding his friends and filling seats to the Court with those who share his political ideology are not.

The parallels between John Adams and George W. Bush are too many to mention. But in the case of Supreme Court nominees, at least the folks Adams nominated were qualified.

Take John Marshall, nominated to the high court just months before Thomas Jefferson was set to take office. Marshall was a former Secretary of State, worked to diffuse the XYZ Affair, and also served in Congress. He was well-rounded, intelligent, experienced, and ultimately helped to form a good bit of how we interpret constitutional law today. Sure, he was overly partisan, but if you looked at his resume prior to being nominated, you wouldn't have this feeling of someone who was grossly underqualified.

That, however, is the feeling when you look at Harriet Miers.

Harriet Miers has never engaged in any sort of constitutional debate or forum. She has never used the constitution as the basis for any decision she's made. If you don't have that as a basis, then you are simply a waste of space in terms of the job duties of a Supreme Court justice. I mean, I'm not qualified to take over for Theo Epstein should the Red Sox not re-sign him,
but at least I understand the game, have played the game and have even played fantasy baseball. Harriet Miers has no such fantasy constitutional law experience. (and to be honest, if there were "fantasy judicial games," I'd be real interested in seeing those demographics. Who would you draft first? Salmon P. Chase? Oliver Wendell Holmes? Johnnie Cochran?)

She has as much on-the-job-experience and business being a Supreme Court justice as I have being a member of Diana Ross and the Supremes.

- Maybe the Red Sox (check!) win today, maybe they don't. That's the problem. Even down 0-3 last year to the Yankees, you had that feeling that if they stole one - and they did in game 4 last year - that the ball could start rolling, hit a downhill, and cruise.

This year's team doesn't have that feel.

It's no indictment of anyone or anything. Two key components got hurt - Schilling and Foulke. The No. 1 guy up front and No. 1 guy in the back... That's a huge loss. One can also argue that the injuries to two ancillary components - Wade Miller and Matt Mantei - also made an imapct. Alan Embree not being effective hurt when he was with the team, but cancelled itself out when he honed his bad pitching in the bullpen in the Bronx.

But, where last year had some sort of magic feel, this doesn't.

Not to say that Wakefield won't get the knuckler dancing and the offense won't start mashing the ball. Not to say that Schilling won't follow that up with a stellar performance of his own, making the ALDS a best-of-one.

But I just don't think so. I hope they prove me wrong, I really do. But I'm not banking on it.
That's all. Sounds like rain in Boston. Be sure to wear your rubbers.

Thursday, October 06, 2005
  The Morning After Pill
Advil. Ouch. (I think I broke my toe last night. Or maybe it's turf toe. But I haven't been on turf. Very confused.)

Oh well, time to move on. I just got to thinking this morning: this blog began at the beginning of the Sox season, right after I got home from Australia. Now, with the baseball season about to end, it's the autumn of this blog's year. The leaves are all turning and the air is getting colder.

Seriously colder. It was 86 yesterday and I had the a/c on in the car. This morning, it's pushing 50 and is winter hat weather. I'll have bird flu by Sunday, I reckon.

Well, onto work and stuff as baseball is over.

Next on TLBR: The Art of the cross-stitch and how to make a western omelette.

  Oh For Crapity Crap Crap Crap
The Red Sox (check!) are down 0-2 to the g-d White Sox.

That doesn't make me the least bit happy. In fact, I'm extremely p'oed.

"Oh, but your team won last year."

So shampooing what?

So I'm supposed to take a nap? No chance. I live and breathe Boston Red Sox baseball.

And it's late. Dumb late. Stupid late. Dumb filthy late.

Well. It's late. Beyond late. And I still have stupid shampooing things coming from these here fingers.
I realize that my squad is down 0-2. Which means all sorts of bad things. In the past, I'd blame any sort of pessimistic thoughts on "the Curse." Now, it's different.

And any of you Sox fans out there - admit it. It's different. It IS. It is so different.
Ok, I got complaints that this site is too BoSox related. And D.V. from Omaha...well, I'm going to try to change and be more worldly.

Another well-timed reader hoped that I'd start the Hand back... Ok, thy wish is my command.

And this here typist wishes to send my loyal readers around the World - esp. those 12k miles away - the best of great tidings. Hope that all is well in all facets. Hope we can catch up soon.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005
  I Predict a Riot
- I'm not the first person to bash and loathe Tim McCarver, I'm not the last. But last night, in the top of the first, I heard something troubling.

After Derek Jeter, the greatest fistpumper (double entendre not intentional) in the history of the game, grounded out to Shaun/Shawn/Sean/Chone 5-3, Alex Rodriguez, the greatest blue-lipped player in the history of the game, came to the plate.

Joe Buck had been talking. McCarver contributed an "ooh." Not an ordinary "ooh," but one sounding more sultry. Naughty, even.

Buck was taken aback. "Ooh?"

Two pitches later, McCarver lets out an even more heartfelt "Ooh!" If the first "ooh" was leading up to the apex, this was le fin. He, um, arrived at his destination. And that's just wrong.

- At some point, if history repeats itself - and on occasion over the last 87 years it has, maybe Scott Podsednik would slide into Tek, miss the plate, and then be tagged out.

More of that coming from the Jeff Horrigan's keyboard.

- The ChiSox will not win another game. They will not score 14 runs collectively the rest of the way. The next time they return to Chicago will be to clean out their lockers and set up a tee time in Idlewild.

- Enough with the Matt Clement-come-Derek Lowe comparisons. Enough with the Derek Lowe stuff altogether. You folks remember when D-Lowe came into the playoffs last year? Yep. In the 10th inning after there were NO MORE PITCHERS. Timlin gave up a the grannie to Vlad. He and the artists formerly known as Alan Embree and Keith Foulke combined for 73 pitches over six innings.

Lowe came in, got Devanon to F8, he walked one of the Molinas, a sac bunt got him to 2nd, the scrappy little shortstop singled before Shaun/Shawn/Sean/Chone 6-3'ed.

He stepped up big in the ALCS and World Series. That's it. Lightning in a bottle for a guy who was in the rotation all 2004, sporting one of the worst ERA's among AL starters.

- My keys to the game yesterday...some came true, some not so much.

It was encouraging to see Tony Graffanino's bat as the second-leadoff hitter...the 6-7-8 guys were the only ones that manufactured a run...

The pitching, um, not so much.

- By the way, it's only 1-0. You don't get points for leading halfway through the game; it's not the CBA.

- 8-1. That's the Red sox' record in "must-win" or elimination games over the past two years. Today fits that bill. It will be 9-1 tomorrow.

- Wow. Was just in the other office and read about Bill Bennett's comments the other day regarding "eliminating" crime in America by "aborting black babies."

That's staggering. I mean, um, wow. How do you Even more staggering, coming from the author of the "Book of Virtues."

Bill, don't even try to say you were taken out of context. There is no context. Trust me, I am not the P.C. police. And, trust me, you are not Johnathan Swift and your comments were not the 21st century's "Modest Proposal."

C'est ca! Un.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
  Done, vol. 1, edition 1
Onto tomorrow.

Now to figure out what to have for dinner. And if I can keep it down.
The only thing Red Sox fans can hope for is a final score of 19-8...because we all know what happens after we see that score...
  Angry (but consistent), vol. 1, edition 4
This is like a John Burkett start. Blow up in the first, settle down, go six inning, offense chips away, becomes a game in the 8th.

Did I mention how much I couldn't stand John Burkett?

And Clement. 8-2.
When does Ozzie Guillen grab his crotch toward the Red Sox bench?
  Marginally less angry, vol. 1, edition 2
Well, well, well. Trot comes up big. Tek plays smart. And Who But W.B. Mason knew that Millar would:

a. go opposite field
b. not bite at the 57-footer in the dirt on 0-2
c. actually make it to 2nd.

6-2. Not a skunk. It still stinks, but it's not a skunk. More like a possum.
And no sooner do I say that. Millar gets thrown out. 4-5.

4-5. That's like pulling three 7's while playing blackjack.

God, when the Millar era is over, I'm going to celebrate.
  (back to being) Angry, vol. 1, edition 3
Konerko, he of the 3-for-9 with 3 HR and 3 RBI just made it 4-for-10 with 4 HR and 4 RBI lifetime vs. Matt Clement.

By the way, don't ever say Konerko's from Providence. He's not. He's from Westerly. He's listed as being born in Providence, but c'mon. It's a small shampooing state and that's where the only hospital is located.

He spent his formitive years in horrible Fairfield County, Connecticut, where he rooted for the Yankees.

So shampoo Paul Konerko. And shampoo Matt Clement.
It's already the 3rd inning and Tito has already conceded. How? Because Matt Clement is still in there. Not that I differ from his idea not to completely blow up the bullpen on game one.

Regardless, Tito gives up too much. If he were a presidential candidate, he'd be George McGovern.
  Marginally less angry, vol. 1, edition 1
Watched Varitek throw Podsednik out and saw that secondary leadoff hitter Tony Graffanino got on.
Then Damon and Renteria did nothing about it.
Papi got on...
But Manny grounded out on the second pitch he's seen all game.
So much for "marginally."
  Angry., vol. 1, edition 2
I got up to see if Clement managed to make it out of the 1st inning. He did.

But then I saw Kevin Millar at-bat.

And I knew ahead of time that Millar was in the starting nine. And I also know that, barring catastrophic injury, he'll be in the first nine tomorrow.

But it didn't make me any happier. Not even a tiny bit. Cowboy 6-4-3 is up.
I must make the attempt to not alienate any of my co-workers, seeing as how I've been here for just a few days now. Any of you out there watch Curb Your Enthusiasm? Remember what Larry called the guy who folded in the poker game? Yeah. Trying to avoid that scene.

  Angry, vol. 1., edition 1
Since I can't vent my anger in its usual forms at work, I decided to leave the room when I have had the privilege of watching Matt Clement hit two batters and then throw pitches to the complete opposite place from where Jason Varitek wants them.

If you notice, some of the keys listed below had something to do with getting seven innings of quality starts out of the starters. This does not meet that key.

However, Renteria got on. And, to my chagrin, the two guys who were supposed to knock him in, did not.

If there were a little tiny kitty cat here right now, I'd probably stomp on it. But alas, there is no tiny kitty.

Oh, what was that? A home run. 5-0.

Shampoo Matt Clement. Shampoo him. Shampoo using the euphemism "shampoo." Shampooing get him the shampoo off the shampooing mound. He's shampooing the whole thing up.

  11 Games To Go
It's real simple. Win 11 games. Try not to lose three in a row at any stage of the game.

The Red Sox will repeat as World Champions, if:

1. Edgar Renteria bats .320 or better during the playoffs; or if the erstwhile shortstop gets on base at around a .380 clip. It's simple. Doesn't need a glut of extra base hits, but a double now and then wouldn't hurt.

If he and Johnny Damon get on base 32-33% of the time, the Sox will have very good chances to score. At the very least, it will require opposing pitchers to throw 10-12 extra pitches an inning, trying to get around Papi and Manny.

2. If Schilling can be sorta like Schilling. Seven-inning quality starts will give the Sox a chance to win every third game. Control is the key here. If his pitch counts are high and if he tries to overthrow his fastball and underthrow his splitter, it could be real bad.

3. Overall, if the starting pitching can provide quality starts, night in and night out, life is good. Seven innings of less than three run ball is a bit much to ask for 11 games. Or not? Wells and Wakefield have proven that they can do it. It relies a little on Matt Clement to show he can throw quality innings.

The much-maligned pitching rotation becomes bolstered by being able to hand the ball to Bradford/Myers, Arroyo, Papelbon in the late 7th or 8th.

4. Get a little help from the 7-8-9 guys. Tony Graffanino is the "second" leadoff guy, batting ninth and perhaps setting a table for Johnny Damon and Edgar...then you know who comes next. And if Bill Mueller can continue his consistency at the plate and by third, the balanced lineup again should drive up pitch counts and give everyone a chance to drive in runs.

5. Limit the dead weight. That means Millar. Here's hoping that Tito will look to Youkilis at first as an option. It worse than Millar. Give him a towel and call him M.L.

Well, Clement vs. Contreras this afternoon. If there is a game for the Red Averages to lose, it's this one. All of us baseball psychologists have determined that Clement can't handle the big time...just like all of us figured that out about Contreras in New York.

But the change of scenery, plus the fact that he knows his wife and family aren't floating over from Cuba in an innertube, has helped Contreras pitch better. Plus, he's locating his fastball and letting it set up his splitter.

I am hopeful that the Good Sox will win, if so, it'll be a 6-3 kinda game. But as I think this is a very loseable game, it's also a game that can set up a sweep for Boston. Get to Contreras early, get to the bullpen by the 6th and it sets up for a good string.

Tomorrow, Mark Buehrle pitches. He works fast. He throws strikes. Which is exactly what you don't want to do to this lineup. He has not pitched well against the Red Hose all season.

Ok, that's about it. Will check in later.

Monday, October 03, 2005
  "Blue" Monday
WTF? My site is blue and my links are gone. Effin' Chuck Norris. And you're not my boy, blue. Rats.

We'll fix this momentarily, onto this morning's (lack of) intelligence...
* Bali concludes that the latest bombing is linked to al-Queda. Wow.

This just in, smoking is linked to lung cancer.
* Chicago is close to MKE. And you know what's in Chicago for two nights only, starting on Tuesday...
* From Tom E. Curran's article in Projo:
"One after the other, sweaty, smiling members of the San Diego Chargers walked through the massive concrete artery that leads to the visitors locker room in Gillette Stadium. As they walked, tearing grass-stained tape from their hands, they gloated aloud about their just-finished, 41-17 hammering of the New England Patriots.

"That's a [butt]-whipping," said defensive coordinator Wade Phillips.

"21-1, now," tackle Leander Jordan announced, referring to the Patriots' punctured 21-game home winning streak.

"[Bleep] New England and their team," suggested cornerback Drayton Florence. Florence then said to the collection of onlookers in the hallway. "Get the look of shock off your faces. Don't be shocked. We beat your [butt]."

I believe Ron Burgandy said it best.

Stay classy. Act like you've done it before. And take a picture. It ain't happening again.
* By the way Charger faithful, come playoff time, Marty Schottenheimer turns into someone who should be riding on the short bus. Beep beep!
* Tigers fire Alan Trammell. Hmmmm. Talk about a guy who never had a chance.
* Memo to jackass bandit t-shirt vendors in the Bronx: if you want to make a few bucks on your warehouses of "1918" t-shirts and hats, silk screen a "7" over the "8" and ship them to Yawkey Way.
* I'm giving myself the pat on the back, as I've been telling everyone, for the last 10 days or so, that the Indians would play themselves out of the race. Something about them being able to mashup on the Twins in early Sept. and not put away other teams made me believe that their young team would implode. They didn't have anyone on their roster with a significant playoff
resume. And if you say Aaron Boone, you lose a finger.

Not to say they're not talented. Not to say they won't be there come next year or so. Imagine if they did something crazy and picked up AJ Burnett? But the bottom line is this: the Injuns won a four-game series at Kansas City (the worst team in baseball) in unspectacular fashion, before dropping two of three at Tampa Bay (admittedly better than their record, but still DFL in the AL East), and then absolutely tanked against the Chi-Sox in the final weekend. That also coming with the Chi-Sox sporting a 2/3 Grapefruit League lineup and - as I fire the first shot of the 2005 ALDS - THE MOST OVERRATED MANAGER IN BASEBALL NOT NAMED JOE.

Rumors have the other shortstop-playing Ozzie giving the Indians and their mascot the choke sign.

I reiterate: act like you've been there. Scumbag.
* And how about the new hometown team??? LOSERS NO MORE!
* It's a feeling, not anything poured in concrete or carved in stone. Just a hunch...Schilling is back. Not 2004 back. Not 2001 back. But back enough to get wins. Back enough to give seven solid, if not spectacular, innings per outing. Back enough to hand the game to Bradford/Myers/Papelbon/Timlin in a good position. The next 11 games will prove to be a test, but I did have the hunch about the Injuns...

And if you ask all my ex-girlfriends, I'm usually always right.
* Someone please...PLEASE...pony up the cash for free booze, blackjack and strippers at Foxwoods for Sox home playoff games. I can't stand to see Ben Affleck in good seats at Fenway.
* Buck Showalter's the manager and he can do what he wants to...

But if the game is played with unwritten rules like not stealing bases with eight-run leads late in the game, or no bunting for a basehit in a no-hitter/perfect game, then the "integrity of the game" needs to be enforced. According to those mouthpieces of the game, Derek Jeter "play the game right" by hustling and doing all those little things, blah blah blah. Manny Ramirez,
according to those same people, does not "play the game right" because he doesn't run out routine 6-3 groundouts and likes to watch his home runs go really, really far.

The problem is, who enforces it? Who enforces the unwritten rules?

Can it be left to the people who can most directly affect the outcome? That's pure democracy, but without getting Karl Marx on your azz, pure democracy is the most inefficient form of governing. But it would also put the power of the people - in this case, the players and managers - and the will of the majority in play.

Golf is a sport that governs itself on integrity, honesty, and playing the game according to a bevy of written and unwritten rules. What's the difference? The individual vs. the team.

So there will be these Buck Showalter episodes that will get other crusty sportswriters and baseball purists' panties in a bunch. It will irk those who it directly (or indirectly) affects. And there will be the Ozzie Guillen-flashing the choke sign to Indians fans. That's "not playing the game" right. Right?

There is no answer. Why? Because it's "not illegal." Which, not surprisingly, is the same excuse used for players who used steroids - andro, HGH - in the past.
* How long till Millar does or says something stupid? He's like that weird uncle that always shows up too early and stays too late at the Family Reunion.
* Georgie Best - the former soccer great that Paul Weller and The Jam wrote the all-time classic "To Be Someone" about - is hospitalized. IMHO, it's one of the best songs of all time and one of the few to be covered successfully by a modern band (Oasis).
That's about it for now. Check in with y'all later on.

Sunday, October 02, 2005
  Sunday Appetizer
Ok, so I'm over the Red Sox (check!) not winning the AL East. It does, however, not allow me to send a note to the NY Times' Murray Chass about how the lack of an AL East title dilutes their being.

But yesterday's loss to the Yankees is the true-to-form likeness of "when you lose, you really win" (kinda like beer pong). AL East champs? They, potentially, get to fly to Anaheim twice. They have to face Vlady. They have to have a big lead in the bottom of the 7th, because it's Shields in the 8th, Francisco Rodriguez in the 9th. (From here on out, there will be no single-letter of first name/first three letters of last name-type nicknames on this here board. Except for Tom Watson.)

The Red Sox, conceivably, will have an easier route both on the field and in travel, for the ALDS.

But one part of me - the bitter, dark, angry side that few have (or haven't) seen wants it to be Anaheim and Chicago in the ALCS. Why? So that Fox Sports execs simultaneously convulse. Yesterday's split-screen sadness (apologies, John Mayer) have been so universally loathed on sites better than this, so I won't provide you with my tome. Needless to say, it sucked.

But the Fox Fan Cam, with three of four tired Red Sox fans and "Everybody Hurts" playing in the background...well...that made me yell a few indiscriminate C-words at no one and nothing in particular. Baseball tourette's again.

How, praytell, are Red Sox fans hurting, Tim McCarver? Is it because their team is tied for the AL East lead with two games to go? Is it because their team in a game up in the Wild Card? or did you spray them in the eye with your rust colored "Just For Men" hairdye? Did you steal the curtains from a Holiday Inn in Woburn and bring it to your tailor for your latest hideous sportcoat? Most baseball fans root for Joe Morgan to get hit by a bus. I, too, share those sentiments. But after it nails Joe going 70 mph, can it come to a screeching halt, throw it in reverse, and pick off McCarver?

Either way, I'm fine today. Really. I am. But keep those cell calls and texts going from 2-3:30 p.m. I'm gonna need 'em.

This was just a morsel; will have more later, hopefully with three big victories.

A daily - or every-other-day - account of all there is in my head
that's dying to get out, via my fingers.
(I vow to attack this endeavor with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind.)

05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 / 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 / 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 / 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 / 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 / 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 / 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 / 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 / 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 / 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 / 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 / 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 / 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 / 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 / 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 / 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 / 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 / 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 / 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 / 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 / 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 / 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 / 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 / 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 / 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 / 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 / 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 / 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 / 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 / 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 / 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 / 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 / 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 / 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 / 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 / 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 / 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 / 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 / 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 / 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 / 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 / 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 / 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 / 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 / 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009 / 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 / 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009 / 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009 / 04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010 / 05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010 / 06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010 / 07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010 / 08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010 / 05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011 / 09/01/2011 - 10/01/2011 /

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