I'm Not Dead Yet...I Feeeel Happy...I Think I'll Go For A Walk...
It's so nice to be back at the Dexter Lake Club. So here's a little song we call Shama-lama-ding-dong. Now hit it:
- Sorry for the hiatus, kids. I've been away on a XXX weekend. No, not to Montreal or a strip club. Just XXX. Roman for 30. I'm the big 3-0...a potential salary cap casualty...the old dude in the club...Dawson's Creep... rats.
- And on the topic of the creek, Katie Holmes is gone. Long gone. She's a moonie now.
- Matt Clement is the ace of the staff. I'll repeat: Matt Clement is the ace of the staff. Jackie Mack thinks so, too.
- Remember when she was the hottest female on the planet?
- Remember when he was the baddest man on the planet? Mike Tyson just got punked by a bouncer from Ri-Ra. Back in the day, when his fights were on HBO, Tyson used to enter the ring wearing a white towel over his head, black shorts, black boots and no socks, with PE's "Welcome to the Terrordome" blasting...If I was in that ring, I'd have shit myself. But if you had the much healthier option of sitting on the couch at home, you couldn't take a leak before the fight or get a drink before the fight or be late for the beginning of the fight because...you'd miss the fight!
- I think having "Wily" or "Mo" as part of your name would be pretty cool. But "Wily Mo?" Even better.
- More proof that the Red Sox have the best fanbase in baseball - better than the 50,354 Ned Flanders' at Busch Stadium. Ballgirl Kelly Baron got hit in the jaw after a hard foul grounder took a bad hop. A half-inning later, Don-O and Rem Dawg had the official injury report - bruised jaw, ice pack, will not return. day-to-day. But the simple fact that when they said "Kelly Baron" on the air, everyone knew "oh yeah, that's the cute ballgirl with the pigtails." Best. In. Baseball.
- In what is turning into an annual rite for DVD's, the Two-Time Defending World Champion New England Patriots put out "Three Games to Glory III" last week. The two-disk set featured each and every play of the game when the then-underdog Pats hold the most powerful offense and the greatest quarterback known to man to just three measly points. The other two games - when the still-underdog Pats put up 41 on Chin Cowher's Steel Curtain defense & the Super Bowl - are also featured. But the highlight of 3G2G3 was the virtual filmroom with Coach Belichick. The HC broke down several plays, making it patently obvious to the lay people watching why he is the best in the biz right now. "In this play here, we wanted to pummel Peyton Manning after he had the ball snapped to him. So we ran 'Double-Flatback Black, Wingnut Z' after he said hike, and you see Tedy and Roman roll around the offensive line and snap him in half. I think it worked well."
That's it, that's all. Uno.