Thursday, June 23, 2005
  Need a Hand?
Thumb's Up - Yeah, the Red Sox.

Shocker, I know. But they've won 9 of 10, and swept the Injuns in a three-game series. Last night's game was most impressive, getting important contributions from some of the reserves like John Olerud and Jay Payton, as well as Bill Mueller and Edgah. Wade Miller pitched pretty well and the bullpen closed the door.

As Chris Snow in the Boston Globe pointed out: "The Sox outscored the Indians, 24-15, outhit them, 36-33, and outhomered them, 8-2, in sweeping Cleveland at Jacobs Field for the first time since May 28-30, 1999. To think, the same team that limped out of Wrigley Field June 12 at 33-29 is now 41-30, a mere one game behind the Orioles for the division lead."

Now that's cooking with gas. Onto Philly.

(no thumb's down this week)

The Index - I had an idea for a movie. The working title is "A-Holes in Bars."

Basically, the film would be a seven-day, seven-scene movie with three characters that go to seven different bars in seven different social scenes, drink beer, and make fun of people from far away, from up close, to their faces, behind their backs. One-liners. Two-liners. Ten minute monologues.

Sounds like a winner, right? No? You say it lacks a point? Or a theme? Or a purpose? Well, lookie, lookie here. "The Aristocrats" is coming to an art house screen near you. It's about a dirty joke. And some of the funniest people on earth tell it.

And that's the movie. So if any talent development agents are out there, and they want to discuss "A-holes," I can be contacted at I even have three people in mind to play these characters (we're good at it) And, if I ever remembered to bring a tape recorder with me when I have gone out the last 11 years of my life, I'd have the script.

The Middle Finger: It's a tie.

From Santa Monica D.A. Tom Sneddon to Michael Jackson, here's a big F-U, you pajama-wearing freak. You want those photos of your dick that they lawdogs took for the trial? Whoops, lost 'em. Hope they don't end up on the internet or in the London tabloids.

You want your passport back? Geez, that got lost too. No European relocation for you. Now go dig a hole and bury yourself in it.

The second F-U goes to Oprah Winfrey: get over yourself.

The store in question - Hermes in paris - was closed at 6:30 p.m., as per usual. Oprah showed up at 6:45 and expected to get inside to shop around.

They said no. Oprah threw a fit.

According to a Hermes spokeswoman, Winfrey came to the store 15 minutes after closing and a security guard informed her the store was closed and gave her a card, telling her she could come back the next day.

In the press, Oprah played the race card and Hhermes caved, issuing this statement: "Hermes regrets not having been able to accommodate Ms. Winfrey and her team and to provide her with the service and care that Hermes strives to provide to each and every one of its customers worldwide."

Guess what, Oprah? It's not because you're black. It's because you're late. Same thing happens to me at TJ Maxx or when they turn the lights on at the bar after "last call." Oprah said she was there to buy a watch for her dinnermate that night, Tina Turner. Methinks when you go back (during regular business hours) you should buy two, so this inane incident doesn't happen again.

The Ring finger - Today's lucky missus is Scarlett Johansson. The lead female character in Sofia Coppola's critically acclaimed (I liked it) film "Lost in Translation," as well as the cutesy chick-flick with the kid from That 70's Show, "In Good Company." Scarlett's got purty eyes. (On a side note, if we were to get married, I think it'd be OK if she kept her maiden name for the big screen name and because she makes like millions more than I do), log onto and type in "Scarlett Johannson." Leave my name out of it, because will get confused and say that there's no such record on account of the fact we've never dated. Or conversed. Or anything. (also, do not type in "Scarlett Jeter" because a fist will come out of your computer screen and slap you. We all make mistakes. A wise man once said "nothing good happens after 2:00 a.m.)

The Pinky - George Jefferson, a 20-yard old guard from St. Peter's College in Jersey City, NJ, passed away in his sleep earlier this week.

Last summer, Richard Jones, a 21-year old forward from Canisius College in Buffalo, NY, died while playing a pickup game.

Two straight years. Two unfortunate losses. Two young men. Too young.

Both had bright futures ahead of them off the court. Jones, a native of Boston, was awarded his degree from Canisius. Jefferson, from Queensbridge, NY, was taking summer classes, was on track to graduate with a business degree and wanted to pursue his MBA. Trust me, there aren't too many MBA's in the QB.

Both died of heart conditions - an enlarged heart, or "hypertrophic cardiomyopathy" - which is ironic, because all who knew these two young men could've told you that without a medical test. They had big hearts. It was evident to everyone who knew them and were touched by them in their short tenure with us. Two good people, two tragic endings.

Too tragic.
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