Holy Potatoes, It's Wednesday? A brief one this afternoon:

In this article, CNN reports that the CIA has secret prisons for terror suspects.

No... Wow... You're kidding me.

This just in: Italians eat pasta.
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Ok, maybe it's just because I live in Milwaukee now, and not some so-called major world capital, but WTF (if F = shampoo) is the deal with this bird flu? Did Larry Joe get sick? Or Sue? Or Eddie?

Is it legit, or another smokescreen to get the world scared to go outside? Anthrax, oooh oooh! Run! Anthrax is coming! How many people died from that, four?

SARS! SARS is going to kill everyone! Don't go to China! Don't go to Canada! Don't breathe in Asia! How many died from that, six?

Now we have a seven billion dollar plan to prevent bird flu? How about seven billion for new shampooing levees in New Orleans? Or to help build houses for those affected by Katrina...or anything?

Or how about seven billion to catch bin Laden? I don't know if he has bird flu, but he may have caught the clap from a camel... (ahhh, thank you. the 9:30 show is completely different than the 7)
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I've had terribly enough of this Red Sox mess. What a pigshampoo.

They don't deal with this crap down the road, on Rt. 1. They don't. Plain and simple. Might be why they did three in the last four, as opposed to one in the last 87.

But I am paying attention to the heat it brings on the former "best sports page in America." Sad, especially since I think that the best city in America should have the best newspaper. Not some synergistic shill.
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But, regardless, it makes for good reading; the Olde Towne team turns Page Six.

Theo Epstein had the job that all of us young(er) lifetime Red Sox fan folk dreamed of. And the thing that sucks is that he realized that dreams don't always come true. Heck, not only did he have the, then, best job in the world, but he was able to pull off the unthinkable. He presided over the Red Sox as World Series champs.

And then, just 12 months later, he walks...which is a credit to his maturity. Not too many folks his age - er, my age - er, our age, have the ability to do that. I mean, I recently changed jobs but I didn't leave my dream gig and I didn't arrive at my dream gig...although it's safe to call both a happy very-above-average.

He is mature beyond his years, which is why I think he was awarded so much professional respect to go along with his ability to relate to the 30-somethings out there. Yes, he could pull off the Nomar deal and help propel the Red Sox to the title that eluded them through the Presidencies of Woodrow Wilson through two George Bushes.

But in Chris Snow's article today in the Red sox Daily, er, Boston Globe, it was pointed out that Epstein and his band of younger assistants met up in the office, cracked a few beers, and reminesed. Prolly told stories, laughed, let out a few beer farts, and called it a night after catching a little buzz.

But with the media crunch that has been THEO WATCH - all the local Brian Fantana's fresh off TEDY WATCH - positioned outside 4 Yawkey Way - the 31-year old former general manager of the Red Sox couldn't just walk outside. He'd get mobbed.

So he donned a gorilla suit.

Yeah, play that one in your head. All the boys laughing their asses off as their former boss dons a gorilla suit. All you needed was a beer funnel and a Girls Gone Wild video playing on the Fenway jumbotron. Maybe they'd vaseline a few doorknobs or throw shit off the Monster to see it go smash.

Officially, Epstein walked out of his office for the last time, even though he's going to remain with the team as a consultant for a few days. He left the park, probably took a right, and headed for his apartment in Back Bay. No one had a clue.

Metaphorically, the gorilla was telling. Epstein just walked away from a job he loved, with a team he loved, in the city he loved. All because of someone who thought HE was the proverbial 500-lb. gorilla.
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On, in the efforts of full disclosure, as the Red Sox house is in disarray, here are two stories about two beloved New York Yankees (lifted from Boston.com and the New York Daily News).

Hideki Matsui: Time Magazine's Asian edition recently did a cover story on Asian Heroes, one of whom is the Japanese Yankee outfielder.

"Indeed, his only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much. " says former reporter Isao Hirooka. "Hideki just wants to be like ordinary people."

Even odder is that in the very next paragraph, Matsui is described as having, "meaty, calloused hands."

Yikes. Fist-bumps all around for him. And for Moises Alou.


Speaking of Yankees, Alex Rodriguez is back in the news today, as the NYDN reports that the team has warned its third baseman about frequenting illegal poker clubs, but admits the Yankees are powerless to stop him from doing so.

"Officials aren't happy that the man considered by many to be the greatest active player is rubbing elbows with gamblers - some who presumably wager on baseball games," the report says. "With clubs being raided by cops and sometimes robbed by gunmen, the 30-year-old star's flirtation with controversy or possible danger is seen as odd for a player known for his perfectly scripted public image."
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What's funnier, the sign or the guy to the right?
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One.  ¶ 12:33 PM