Welcome to the “Chicago Blog.” It’s very similar to the Oz Blog, except it’s not set in Australia, and is about 20.5 days shorter in duration. And it’s probably eons less interesting. (How’s that for a hook in the lede? Maybe it’s reverse psychology as you’re thinking “how much is this going to suck?” There’s only one way to find that out…)

Basically, I woke up terribly bored this past Saturday and decided that sitting on my couch, watching television all day in between perusing, como se dice, my “bookmark” list, was not going to be terribly exciting.

So left the apartment, pressed play on the iPod, bought a pad, caught a train, and walked around Chicago on a sunny, yet slightly cool day. The rest of the day is in bullet points:
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*** On the walk down Wisconsin Avenue, with a turn down 4th St., there was a blind man sitting on the corner, selling pencils. That, along with seeing pink elephants when you’re drunk, had always seemed like such a cliché to me. But indeed, there he was. And it was the best dollar I spent all day. I would’ve used his pencil to chronicle the Chi-blog, but it was neither mechanical nor sharpened.

*** Now, in seeing my “generosity” from afar in the parking lot which was located just behind where the blind man sat, another man thought he too could benefit from my right pants pocket. This fella, dressed in a neon green windbreaker and sunglasses pulled up beside me like the two of us were making a break from the pack on lap five of a 3,000m run. Generally, it’s not accepted sidewalk etiquette, so I looked over at the guy as to figure out two things: “what the shampoo are you doing?” and “are you going to try to do something shampooing stupid?” While the former might have crossed his mind, he chose the latter.

In typical panhandling style, he began with a rhetorical question: “Excuse me sir, can I ask you something?” (sure, right after I ask you why the hell you were drafting me as I walked down Positively 4th St…) I take the bit: “Yeah, what is it?”

He mentions the fact that he saw me give the “bum a dollar.” Surmising that I wasn’t about to win a humanitarian award, I ask him what he wants. He wanted a dollar.

I said no. He then skipped ahead in the book “How to Ask People for Money,” straight to the chapter that details what not-to-do. Don’t call the person a "MF’er," don’t call him a “faggot,” and don’t call him a “white boy MF.” My man was in serious need of a Dale Carnegie course. And something a little less iridescent.

*** As I mentioned before, I took the train to Chicago. And for several reasons: gas is about 10 bucks a gallon now (I’m lying, it’s only $3.06); I don’t know where I’m going; and finally, I like trains. Used to take them home in college when I was without a car, I used to take them to NYC when I lived in New Roc, and I find them to be very therapeutic and enjoyable. I love looking out the window at the landscape passing me by.

About a minute or two pulling away from the MKE station, and watching the old mills and factories that make up this town, I saw a circle of horses around a big bale of hay, chowing down. Kind of a strange place to have a horse farm, in the middle of the barrio, next door to a big lot with abandoned and broken-down taxicabs. But they were police horses.

*** Just five minutes into the trip and already the trusty iPod sidekick has brought its “A” game. Jack Johnson’s “We are Gonna Be Friends” and the Cowboy Junkies’ classic remake of Lou Reed’s “Sweet Jane.”

*** I’m in Amtrak’s “quiet car.” Signs hanging from the ceiling inform passengers that loud talking, cell phone usage, and audio or video games were not permitted. In one sense, it was like 5th grade reading class and I felt compelled to raise my hand and ask the conductor permission to use the lavatory. In another sense, it was bliss. No loud and pretentious people squawking on their cells, nor little rugrats playing their PSP’s. My cell was on vibrate, in order to keep the peace and limit the noise, especially after this one terribly annoying person (who still has not gotten the shampooing hint) kept text messaging me.

*** The iPod had not played Frank Sinatra’s classic tune “Chicago,” but I did get Sufjan Stevens’ tune with the same name.

*** Was just thinking, in light of there having to be a quiet car, that cellphones, text messaging, Blackberrys, email, and iPods are killing civility, sociality, and the art of conversation. I’m guilty of it, to some extent, but I try never to lose the human touch simply because of technological advances. The more it might make things simple, the more convoluted it becomes on the back end. To me, the opportunity costs just aren’t worth it. (and yet, I’m blogging. Contradiction, party of one, your table is ready…)

*** Bob Dylan’s “Don’t think twice, it’s alright” came on the iPod. Gee, kinda of prophetic.

It was followed by John Mayer’s “Comfortable” – a song that got me through some real miserable times a few years back. Thankfully, those times have passed and while they didn’t end with some storybook or Cusack ending, I’m proud to say that we’re still good friends.

*** Times now have a similar sort of miz to them, but for completely different reasons. Sometimes past doldrums can be a good way to forget about present ones – an antidote to the present. That seems very odd, dunnit? Is it comfort in misery? I hope not. Misery is certainly not something you ever want to take comfort in, or be defined by. It’s not my identity, nor is it my intention to make it seem as such.

*** Next up on the iPod is Stevie Wonder’s “I Just Called to Say I Love You.” Not only is it a good tune (yeah, I said it), but the scene in “High Fidelity” where Jack Black deconstructs the dad who came into the record shop was priceless. The movie was also set in Chicago.

*** Ok, we’re here in the Windy City and I haven’t a clue where to go or which way to get there. First stop: the Sears Tower. To get to the SkyDeck, overlooking the city and where Ferris Bueller, Sloan, and Cameron spent some time, you cough up $12.95 and proceed to a waiting room with two vending machines, two of those “Make a Souvenir Penny” devices, and lots of impatient, annoying kids. Like Amtrak’s “quiet car,” the Sears Tower needs a “quiet waiting room.” Time to turn up the iPod and tune out the annoying kids.

*** The Sunday’s “Here’s where the story ends” – another old school tune that I haven’t heard in ages. And text message girl still hasn’t gotten then hint. If eight unanswered texts don’t make some sort of light go on…

*** The view from the SkyDeck is amazing. Well worth the money and the test of patience 110 stories below. As I’m looking out on the cityscape of Chicago, Simon & Garfunkel’s “Only Living Boy in New York” comes on – yet another tune that brings me back in time. The line in the song “I’ve got nothing to do today but smile” is a much-needed optimistic view on things.

*** Looking down on some of the other buildings from up here, I noticed a 5-on-5 soccer game going on the rooftop of an adjacent skyscraper. Needless to say, if the ball goes over the edge, I would not be chasing it…nor would I want to be on the sidewalk.

*** I like Chicago. I’m not going to give it the “I’d live here” stamp of approval quite yet, but it’s refreshing. Doesn’t make me feel like I’m in the shampooing Midwest. And like home, you can’t go a corner without either a CVS or a Dunkin Donuts.

*** In my travels down to Michigan Avenue – also known as the “Magnificent Mile” - I noticed that many of the pedestrians were wearing Polish t-shirts or were dressed in red, carrying Polish flags. As it turns out, there was a Polish parade down by the Lake. I’ll withhold any comments, especially for those Polish TLBR stalwarts (not a big demographic, but a demographic nonetheless...)

*** Spent some time at the Art Institute of Chicago. I have to think it’s a different affiliation than the Art Institute you see advertised on MTV in a sort of infomercial kind of way. They had a real nice outdoor garden, too, where I took a seat and rested my feet and legs. Did I just say that? I sounded like a Grandma.

*** “Know Yourself First, Change the World Second” was a slogan on a bus billboard for Loyola University of Chicago. Nothing like a little Ignatian “magis” on the local jitney.

*** You know how I said I’d hold off the Polish jokes? I can’t. On the corner of Michigan and a crossroad (whose name I cannot recall) that was blocked off with barricades, there was, like every other corner, a Walk/Don’t Walk sign. When I approached the corner, it was on “Don’t Walk.” Many of the parade goers stood there waiting for the sign to change.

THE ROAD WAS BLOCKED OFF. NO CARS WERE COMING. Oh well.

*** One of the prettiest girls I’ve seen in months was stopped at a red light – actually one of those left-hand lane/left arrow sorts of things. She was wearing a VERY short skirt. She was riding a Vespa. I would be lying to you if I said I didn’t take a longer look in case there were any, um, comment dit-on, “accoutrements” visible.

*** And that was pretty much it – took a subway back to the Union Station area – entered on Canal Street and went down the same stairs where the famous shootout from “The Untouchables” took place. No Kevin Costner or Andy Garcia. Just me. And a diet coke, my iPod, and the quiet car, heading back to MKE.