Blogging the Fox SkyBox from O'Hare (angrily) Disclaimer: I am not just going from terminal to terminal, airport bar to airport bar. There is a plan.

Delta flight 6466, which was supposed to go non-stop from Chicago O'Hare to New York/LaGuardia at 6:10 p.m. is now delayed to 9 p.m. When flights are delayed for three hours, and you approach the "curfew" time, there is a very, very good chance you'll be sleeping at terminal L-10, or whatever.

So, there. Whatever. I probably could've left Milwaukee in my car and got to NYC by the time this flight will land.

So rather than just sit and do nothing, I found a spot at a table in the crowded-to-slightly-less-than-the-gills Fox SkyBox.

Just as Lloyd Bentsen admonished Dan Quayle in the 1988 Vice-Presidential debate with the immortal "You're no Jack Kennedy" line, (would anyone argue that the only thing that could've been harsher in that debate is if the senior Senator from Texas had followed up that comment to the junior Senator from Indiana with the "You Effing-C word?" Just a thought...),

I admonish away: Fox SkyBox...I knew Chili's, Too...Chili's, Too was a friend of mine. You, Fox SkyBox are no Chili's, Too."

The music at Chili's ranged from Kanye to Josh Groban (like my trusty iPod). Fox SkyBox gave me "mmm'bop," followed by the almost-as-annoying "One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies. And then closed it out Mariano Rivera-style with "Mambo #5" by Lou Bega.

I've had beer farts smell better than those last three tunes.

On top of that, I have to now listen to Hawk Harrelson and the other slapdick who are the worst baseball commentators this side of Deeeeeewayne Statts and Joe Magrane.

I swear. I swear to all of you TLBR readers and to my almighty witness...if anyone other than Jim Thome hits a home run, and those two dickwads do their "you caaaaaan put it on the boooooooooard....YES!" schtick, this pint glass is flying like I'm Russ Springer and some random folk is Barry Lamar Bonds.
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Ok, since it's Fox...they show Fox News. Which really isn't news, it's more like a cartoon. Cartoon news. (yes, W hired a Fox News host to be press secretary...the job I would kill to do, and it's some Snidley Whiplash GOP mother shampooer...but I digress). And Fox News just showed a story about a college...presumably in the South (or Pennsyltucky, which in this case it is...Gettysburg College)...that requires "consent" before students kiss.

Apparently, the higher-ups at this fine institute of higher learning think that their students will get confused between a hug, a kiss, and drug-fueled monkey sex.

Um, why is that news? It's a given. You always asked before you kissed a girl in college. It was cute and the seemingly right thing to do after 12 keg stands. Now, if they codifed a "clumsy attempt to unhook a bra" or "sly unbuckling of a belt maneuver," then that would be news. Dudes always try that on the sly. Never works.
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One more Sam Adams down. That's the only universal similarity betwixt the Chili's brand and the Fox SkyBox brand.
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Is it me, or when you go to an airport, doesn't it seem like folks have infinitely more exciting lives than you?

They came to whatever town in order to close a deal. Or meet someone important. Or do something fun. Or they're connecting from doing some deal or something fun or some fun deal or ...

And something else about airport bars...they're different. No matter how many Howie Long autographed jerseys you have up, your airport sports bar will not have any atmosphere.

It's sterile.

If this bar is on 2nd Avenue...Wells Street...Thames...etc...then maybe. But good luck ever having a regular at this place. It's a transaction. It's not a relationship.

And dammit, maybe it means I'm high-maintenance, but I need the relationship part of this when I'm having more than one.

I want to know how many sisters you have or why the hell you left Altoona. I need you to tell me that Bob Dylan's "One too many mornings" changed your life, too. Or that you once had a guilty pleasure that involved Zima and grenadine.
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Quick check of the ESPN Gametracker shows me that the Sox (the REAL sox, not the White Sox, even though they're not exactly an expansion team) are up 1-0 in the third.

And ESPN is showing the Cardinals and the Mets...mercifully...so I don't have to watch just the Pale Hose anymore.

I like the Mets. Yes, I'm part of Brewer, um, Region, and y'all know about my ambassadorship to Red Sox Nation (and there is no such thing as Yankee Universe, because that's shampooing stupid...), but I like the Mets.
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Ok, will update this in a bit. Time to focus on some of Jim Koch's finest.

"To the next step, and may that step be a masculine step. " ~ Luca Brazzi

One.  ¶ 7:36 PM