Wednesday, July 05, 2006
I...Um...
Tonight's Red Sox-(Devil) Ray game started off bad enough - the game is being shown on MLB Extra Innings with the FSN South broadcast team of DeWayne Staats and Joe Magrane.
As detailed previously on TLBR, these two slapdicks are the worst pxp/color combo in the history of baseball. A teamof Foster Brooks, Gilbert Gottfried, and Tina Cervasio might even edge them out.
So if that's not bad enough...FSN South "mikes up" (Devil) Ray DH Jonny Gomes for batting practice. Two things are evident with that feature: 1. the FSN South producer has freebased most of his functioning brain cells away and; 2. Jonny Gomes is mentally retarded.
I'm not sure, during the entire 7-8 minute span of this television hari kari, that Gomes put together an entire sentence, or used two English words that go together and make sense. That is not to say that Gomes is not a native speaker or to be pejorative towards those ballplayers of Latin descent that do not have a strong grasp of the English language. Gomes is supposed to. Kinda.
Next up on tonight's suck carnival is Sox starting pitcher Jason Johnson. The same Jason Johnson that has the words "former (Devil) Ray" before his name. Those three words are neverones you want to describe your career. Nor do you want "former Oriole starter," as over the last seven years, the Redbirds have had one of the worst rotations in all of baseball.
J-double was terribly underwhelming in his first outing for the Red Sox. He was even worse this last one. Once again, he went just four innings, giving up five runs.
No single run of the pentangle the (Devil) Rays put up on the board was more (Joe) maddening than the fifth. Carl Crawford was walked. Then he stole second. Then he stole third. And thanks to a delivery that is slower than, well, imagine slow. Then imagine really slow. Then imagine Jason Johnson...
I, um, well, enough with the hystrionics. Carl Crawford stole home. Carl Crawford stole home. He shampooing stole home. Shampoo.
That hasn't happened since, I don't know...Rogers Hornsby?
It's terribly frustrating.
Yes the Red Sox won 12 in a row. Yes they're still up four games on the second-place Blue Jyas. Yes it's still the (Devil) Rays and yes their bullpen is still teh suck. (purposely misspelled).
But shampoo it. I've been cleaning my bathroom. It's something I have neglected to do since September. By tomorrow, you'll be able to eat eggs benedict on the tile next to my toilet. It might taste like lysol, though.
Oh my. What in the sacred cow is this?
"What an awesome atmosphere out here. RAR RAR RAR RAR RAR!"
That quote is coming from mullet-ed white trash WWE wrestler who just joined the two no-talent assclowns in the booth.
Said wrestler was referring to the Trop - the worst arena in professional sports. I'm speechless. No words. (and by the way, the screaming trailer park trash was still better than DeWayne and Magrane).
Ok, I need to go spray off the Scrubbing Bubbles from the tub. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll be overcome by the toxic fumes.
One.
As detailed previously on TLBR, these two slapdicks are the worst pxp/color combo in the history of baseball. A teamof Foster Brooks, Gilbert Gottfried, and Tina Cervasio might even edge them out.
So if that's not bad enough...FSN South "mikes up" (Devil) Ray DH Jonny Gomes for batting practice. Two things are evident with that feature: 1. the FSN South producer has freebased most of his functioning brain cells away and; 2. Jonny Gomes is mentally retarded.
I'm not sure, during the entire 7-8 minute span of this television hari kari, that Gomes put together an entire sentence, or used two English words that go together and make sense. That is not to say that Gomes is not a native speaker or to be pejorative towards those ballplayers of Latin descent that do not have a strong grasp of the English language. Gomes is supposed to. Kinda.
Next up on tonight's suck carnival is Sox starting pitcher Jason Johnson. The same Jason Johnson that has the words "former (Devil) Ray" before his name. Those three words are neverones you want to describe your career. Nor do you want "former Oriole starter," as over the last seven years, the Redbirds have had one of the worst rotations in all of baseball.
J-double was terribly underwhelming in his first outing for the Red Sox. He was even worse this last one. Once again, he went just four innings, giving up five runs.
No single run of the pentangle the (Devil) Rays put up on the board was more (Joe) maddening than the fifth. Carl Crawford was walked. Then he stole second. Then he stole third. And thanks to a delivery that is slower than, well, imagine slow. Then imagine really slow. Then imagine Jason Johnson...
I, um, well, enough with the hystrionics. Carl Crawford stole home. Carl Crawford stole home. He shampooing stole home. Shampoo.
That hasn't happened since, I don't know...Rogers Hornsby?
It's terribly frustrating.
Yes the Red Sox won 12 in a row. Yes they're still up four games on the second-place Blue Jyas. Yes it's still the (Devil) Rays and yes their bullpen is still teh suck. (purposely misspelled).
But shampoo it. I've been cleaning my bathroom. It's something I have neglected to do since September. By tomorrow, you'll be able to eat eggs benedict on the tile next to my toilet. It might taste like lysol, though.
Oh my. What in the sacred cow is this?
"What an awesome atmosphere out here. RAR RAR RAR RAR RAR!"
That quote is coming from mullet-ed white trash WWE wrestler who just joined the two no-talent assclowns in the booth.
Said wrestler was referring to the Trop - the worst arena in professional sports. I'm speechless. No words. (and by the way, the screaming trailer park trash was still better than DeWayne and Magrane).
Ok, I need to go spray off the Scrubbing Bubbles from the tub. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll be overcome by the toxic fumes.
One.
