Thursday, April 05, 2007
  I Think I'm Turning Japanese, I Really Think So
So, we’re back. Kinda.

With the news that NCAA Basketball is officially over, save for my favorite big dance - the coaching carousel – and the advent of the 2007 baseball season, Throws Left, Bats Right will attempt to return to a daily schedule.

Or something that closely resembles a daily schedule.

I’d try to hype it up by promising new flashy graphics, guest columnists, and breaking news/hard-hitting investigative pieces that would draw a larger viewership…but no. That would take work and, quite frankly, that’s not why this blog was created.

But we’ll (and I mean that in the editorial “we”) continue to provide you, the reader, with the same stupidity, link dump, and occasion hip-hop video because I know that’s what you’re all pining for, secretly.

I might also make an attempt at a secondary graphic because I thought I made a profound quote in an interview regarding the new media and blogging. (Yeah, I got interviewed.)

The quote: "My blog was started to alleviate boredom from my current profession,” said the creator of “TLBR” (Throws Left Bats Right). And because I think my insanity needs an audience.”

So there it is. Welcome to my insanity. Take a seat, grab a drink from the virtual concession stand, and enjoy. We’re back.
In keeping with the announcement that TLBR is back on a regular schedule comes my annual announcement about exercise and healthy living. It always seems to come around Patriots Day, when tens of thousands of folks do something that is both good for you and really, really bad for you at the same time. Up and down hills. For about three-and-a-half hours.

The Irish guilt takes over. Fills up the love handles and man-boobs. And it makes me, well, super size that bitch.

Also in conjunction with a doctor’s visit yesterday and a pesky little number known as “body-mass index,” I’ve put it on my to-do list for the day.

Right underneath “do laundry” is “get rid of disgusting fat rolls.”

The goal: the 2008 Boston Marathon.

(the laughter from the peanut gallery is deafening.)
Now that it’s Spring, the trees are a-bloom (when they get done being confused from the weather in the Northeast going from 77 to 47 in seven days…), the hayfever ablaze, and that thong season is fast approaching… Love is in the Air!

Here are two famous musicians’ latest, greatest attempts to put on their best Robert Downey Jr. from “The Pick-Up Artist,’ courtesy of the Page Six from the NY Post:

Kanye West wants to know if Sienna Miller is single. "That's a white girl I would take to the mosque," the rapper writes in his Fashion Beatdowns column for Complex magazine's April/May issue. West contemplates Miller's relationship status after he weighs in on her ex Jude Law 's outfit: "That sweater with the black sequins on it is incredible."

British jazz pianist and singer Jamie Cullum tried out a new pickup line at Tuesday's Gotham Mag-hosted party at Audi Forum. Caressing the hood of an Audi S5, he asked a female fan, "Have you ever had sex in a car?" The lovely blond answered yes.
Just heard someone on the radio say that all polar bears are left-handed. Interesting. How does one decide to come up with that subject to study? If you’re a professor of Arctic Circles or some shit, how do you begin to write up the grant-proposal for “Want to see if polar bears are left-handed” and pitch it? And if and when it’s accepted, how do you get that close to a polar bear to run a proper dexterity test? What constitutes the research, a snowball fight? Which hand the polar bear reaches for its bottle of Coca-Cola?

In related news, polar bears are now the official animal of TLBR.
Rest in peace, Darryl Stingley. You endured more than anyone could ever imagine, more than you deserved. And you did it with class and dignity.

His former quarterback. Steve Grogan, also weighed in.

Here’s hoping that Jack Tatum, that piece of shit, finally mans up and apologizes.
From the “what the shampoo are you thinking?” file: James Edward Rice.

There’s a line between being wrong, and then being wrong no matter if you’re probably right. I tend to think Big Jim Ed is more the latter than the former.

But still… Time and place. Not either one, #14. Might need to spin and dig your way out of this one.
As we get ready for Dice-K’s debut today – and trust me, I’ve got the fever, I’ll be right by the television at 2 p.m. (Japanese is the new Dominican) – I’m more intrigued by Billy Donovan’s situation right now.

Since Tubby Smith dearly departed for the Twin Cities, everyone from my Mom (who is a hoops afficianado) to the national media has put Billy the Kid in the head coaching role at UK.

And with the money that is being thrown around, I can’t blame him for not closing the door. And with the fact that his team was attempting to do something that had only been done twice since 1973 – win back-to-back titles – I can’t blame him for not really wanting to address it.

But the acceptable excuse time is over. Time to retrieve your cell phone from your executive assistant. And time to make a definitive answer.

Billy, it’s OK to say: “I’d like to talk to the man who might pay me $4 million dollars per year to do what I love.” It’s ok. I’d talk to someone who’d like to pay me one-tenth that amount to do, well, whatever the hell they wanted (no kinky stuff, though).

You want to give a speech at Marshall – and pitch your guy for their opening – fine. Expect the questions.

You want to go to lunch with your current boss – fine, you both need to. But expect there to be a line at the door to the deli.

You want to “decompress” in the Dominican – super idea, I’m jealous. Let me know if you need a looper on Tooth of the Dog. But expect there to be Dave Curtis, Andy Katz, Pat Forde, Jeff Goodman, and Gary Parrish following you, asking you the same questions until you answer them.

It’s like being engaged to Natalie Portman, but still having Scarlett Johansson text messaging you for a booty-call.

(what? I need help. Or lunch, because my low blood-sugar is clouding my brain’s function to make good analogies…)

Me personally? I think he’s staying.

(a source close to the program beat me to it…rats…see, that’s why TLBR doesn’t break news…but we do break hearts…)
Ok, I need to go get ready for Dice-K’s start. Pumping myself up with some Wu-Tang Clan and eating some California Rolls.


yh&os, (konichiwa, bitches)
a polar bear? really?!? what happened to the giant talking panda?? how quickly we forget, i dont even know who you are anymore.....
If it was a left-handed Panda, I'd consider him. Or her.
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