Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Complicated complications and momentous moments
Well, it's been a while and I have been, admittedly, in a bit of a rut.
Blogger's block? Perhaps.
Abject laziness? To some extent.
Lack of material? Never.
So, I'll tread through the file of stuff I've kept for the past week or so, spin it together, preheat the oven to 350 degrees, bake for 30-45 minutes, and hopefully it will yield a tasty meal.
And I'll try to keep my comments regarding a certain team tied for last in the AL East to a minimum. Like our Captain once said, "we don't throw at .260 hitters." Well, we here at TLBR don't comment on 4th place teams that are 14.5 back of the race and 8.5 out of the Wild Card.
-----
This is why I moved.
-----
This is another one.
(link)
-----
And yet another one.
-----
Well, former Yankee (not current, so it's not piling on) Bernie Williams was the commencement speaker at the former employer/sort-of alma mater.
Great idea. Book a guy who went to a music high school in Puerto Rico and skipped college in order to sign a million dollar contract to play baseball.
What life lesson could he possibly share with the folks at the Theater at Madison Square Garden? Here are a few of the tidbits that Bern, Baby, Bern could have shared with the class of 2007.
"I'm worth a shampooload of money and never had to take a core class. You just spent a shampooload of money on your education and were stuck in 'intro to western civilization.' How you like them apples?"
"Want to hear me play soulful jazz guitar?"
"I bet I couldn't throw a wrinkled-up program from the dais and hit the girl in the front row."
"So, in summation, none of you will hit a home run from both sides of the plate in a World Series game, win a batting title, or be named the World Series MVP. But keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars."
"We're in the same boat - both actively looking for a job."
-----
Connecticut is in New England. But they continue to support the 4th place team in the AL East (grrrr...it's so hard...must...not...mock...).
Good, then maybe Connecticut can go to the Iona commencement (see above).
But, I believe that the official TLBR stance on Connecticut has been established in previous posts, but I'll be happy to recap it (with apologies to my Nutmeg State readers).
In a nutshell: Abolish Connecticut.
Everything North of New Haven, give to Rhode Island. We're the Ocean State, we know how to handle a shoreline. Granted, the bucolic shores of Branford can't hold a candle to, say, Oakland Beach in Warwick, but still. And R.I. can get the casinos they're so closely coveted.
Everything south of New Haven, give it to New York. That's what they want to be (or, wannabe for that matter), so screw it. Take it. Enjoy Bridgeport - it'll give NY yet another minor league baseball team (the urge to mock is so tough...so, so tough...)
And everything from Wallingford up, through Hartford, give it to Massachusetts. Because, whatever, Western Mass needs a capital. And that can be the "Rising Star of New England," Hartford.
Now, using my economics training as an undergrad, the next logical question is: well, that throws the whole flag business out of whack. The costs of modifying the Stars and Stripes, and then replacing the well over 15,000,000 U.S. flags in this country would be staggering. It might even cost more than filling up a fleet of SUV's!
Well, I have a solution there, too. Keep the flag at 50 stars. Keep the country at 50 states.
Invade Canada.
At least liquor stores don't close at 8 p.m. there.
-----
I bet this boat trip would friggin' rock. Literally, figuratively, etc.
-----
I recently saw the movie/documentary/ESPN informercial called "Once in a Lifetime" - about the NY Cosmos of the late, great NASL. It was a solid documentary - would have been better with Pele's involvement, but still.
It gets me thinking about David Beckham and the MLS. (Yes, I think about soccer.)
I'm not the biggest Becks guy - mostly for his off-the-pitch exploits - but at the MLS level, he should excel.
-----
Good behavior. Good behavior?
To paraphrase Chris Rock - "that's what you're SUPPOSED TO DO!"
You're supposed to show up for court on time. You're not supposed to drive on a suspended license, or after two bottles of vodka.
Not that 23 days in prison isn't "hell" for this shampooing shampoo (for more on the true identity of the second "shampoo," click here ), but still. What a friggin' joke.
-----
reason #432 to love Vermont:
They write good headlines.
-----
Yeah, trade Rocco Baldelli. He's expendible. This guy is threatening to domestically violate his wife (thanks, Rick Dempsey) and you want to get rid of my boy Rocco.
Maybe that's why Tampa Bay is, in the words of one wiser than me, The Triple-A Devil Rays.
-----
What's even better is that Gary Sheffield offered to "mentor" the troubled young man.
Damn Gary, you trying to get into heaven or something? What on Earth could you possibly help this P.O.S. with?
"Don't be like me. Or my Uncle. Any questions?"
That's like Chris Farley taking Lindsay Lohan under his wing.
-----
Chivalry ain't dead. Even if it's fake chivalry.
-----
I can understand buying a knock-off Prada purse, or maybe some fake Nikes, but this one takes the cake.
That's not even close to being funny.
-----
To steal one of the greatest Mike Breen lines ever, Tampa Bay's Elijah Dukes hit for the natural cycle last night: he hit a single, a double, a triple, and his wife.
-----
Ok, gotta get back to getting back.
We'll talk again real soon, I hope.
yh&os,
oh yeah, forgot to add this. classic stuff...
Blogger's block? Perhaps.
Abject laziness? To some extent.
Lack of material? Never.
So, I'll tread through the file of stuff I've kept for the past week or so, spin it together, preheat the oven to 350 degrees, bake for 30-45 minutes, and hopefully it will yield a tasty meal.
And I'll try to keep my comments regarding a certain team tied for last in the AL East to a minimum. Like our Captain once said, "we don't throw at .260 hitters." Well, we here at TLBR don't comment on 4th place teams that are 14.5 back of the race and 8.5 out of the Wild Card.
-----
This is why I moved.
-----
This is another one.
(link)
-----
And yet another one.
-----
Well, former Yankee (not current, so it's not piling on) Bernie Williams was the commencement speaker at the former employer/sort-of alma mater.
Great idea. Book a guy who went to a music high school in Puerto Rico and skipped college in order to sign a million dollar contract to play baseball.
What life lesson could he possibly share with the folks at the Theater at Madison Square Garden? Here are a few of the tidbits that Bern, Baby, Bern could have shared with the class of 2007.
"I'm worth a shampooload of money and never had to take a core class. You just spent a shampooload of money on your education and were stuck in 'intro to western civilization.' How you like them apples?"
"Want to hear me play soulful jazz guitar?"
"I bet I couldn't throw a wrinkled-up program from the dais and hit the girl in the front row."
"So, in summation, none of you will hit a home run from both sides of the plate in a World Series game, win a batting title, or be named the World Series MVP. But keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars."
"We're in the same boat - both actively looking for a job."
-----
Connecticut is in New England. But they continue to support the 4th place team in the AL East (grrrr...it's so hard...must...not...mock...).
Good, then maybe Connecticut can go to the Iona commencement (see above).
But, I believe that the official TLBR stance on Connecticut has been established in previous posts, but I'll be happy to recap it (with apologies to my Nutmeg State readers).
In a nutshell: Abolish Connecticut.
Everything North of New Haven, give to Rhode Island. We're the Ocean State, we know how to handle a shoreline. Granted, the bucolic shores of Branford can't hold a candle to, say, Oakland Beach in Warwick, but still. And R.I. can get the casinos they're so closely coveted.
Everything south of New Haven, give it to New York. That's what they want to be (or, wannabe for that matter), so screw it. Take it. Enjoy Bridgeport - it'll give NY yet another minor league baseball team (the urge to mock is so tough...so, so tough...)
And everything from Wallingford up, through Hartford, give it to Massachusetts. Because, whatever, Western Mass needs a capital. And that can be the "Rising Star of New England," Hartford.
Now, using my economics training as an undergrad, the next logical question is: well, that throws the whole flag business out of whack. The costs of modifying the Stars and Stripes, and then replacing the well over 15,000,000 U.S. flags in this country would be staggering. It might even cost more than filling up a fleet of SUV's!
Well, I have a solution there, too. Keep the flag at 50 stars. Keep the country at 50 states.
Invade Canada.
At least liquor stores don't close at 8 p.m. there.
-----
I bet this boat trip would friggin' rock. Literally, figuratively, etc.
-----
I recently saw the movie/documentary/ESPN informercial called "Once in a Lifetime" - about the NY Cosmos of the late, great NASL. It was a solid documentary - would have been better with Pele's involvement, but still.
It gets me thinking about David Beckham and the MLS. (Yes, I think about soccer.)
I'm not the biggest Becks guy - mostly for his off-the-pitch exploits - but at the MLS level, he should excel.
-----
Good behavior. Good behavior?
To paraphrase Chris Rock - "that's what you're SUPPOSED TO DO!"
You're supposed to show up for court on time. You're not supposed to drive on a suspended license, or after two bottles of vodka.
Not that 23 days in prison isn't "hell" for this shampooing shampoo (for more on the true identity of the second "shampoo," click here ), but still. What a friggin' joke.
-----
reason #432 to love Vermont:
They write good headlines.
-----
Yeah, trade Rocco Baldelli. He's expendible. This guy is threatening to domestically violate his wife (thanks, Rick Dempsey) and you want to get rid of my boy Rocco.
Maybe that's why Tampa Bay is, in the words of one wiser than me, The Triple-A Devil Rays.
-----
What's even better is that Gary Sheffield offered to "mentor" the troubled young man.
Damn Gary, you trying to get into heaven or something? What on Earth could you possibly help this P.O.S. with?
"Don't be like me. Or my Uncle. Any questions?"
That's like Chris Farley taking Lindsay Lohan under his wing.
-----
Chivalry ain't dead. Even if it's fake chivalry.
-----
I can understand buying a knock-off Prada purse, or maybe some fake Nikes, but this one takes the cake.
That's not even close to being funny.
-----
To steal one of the greatest Mike Breen lines ever, Tampa Bay's Elijah Dukes hit for the natural cycle last night: he hit a single, a double, a triple, and his wife.
-----
Ok, gotta get back to getting back.
We'll talk again real soon, I hope.
yh&os,
oh yeah, forgot to add this. classic stuff...
